Tainted Love (bxb)

Chapter 37 - Family matters

When I closed the door to my suite behind me, I had to lean against it for a moment to process everything that I just heard. That Emilia wasn't just some unlucky girl, mated to a cold blooded murderer like my father. But she was mated to my mother, who was a coward just like my father, who rather chose power over fighting for his one and only mate and couldn't even bring himself to kill the guy on his own, but had my mother do it for him, while he took care of Emilia. The worst part, I think, was, that I now more than ever knew, that my father was turning in his grave, knowing that I had chosen Riley and would continue to do so. 

I was breathing heavily, even though it felt like no oxygen was getting pumped into my lungs. My parents were cowards, who never chose love, they were blinded by power and what society expected of them, a heir. I was the product of that pressure and I now understood why my father was so hard on me. He didn't love me, I represented everything that kept him in that golden cage he was born into, just like me. I was the reason he had to stay and mate my mother...and of course he had to be harsh to that reason. I had to be perfection or else, it would have been for nothing. This new information changed everything, because I now knew, that he left his happiness for me, basically. 

In theory, my talk with my uncle went fine. I made my point clear, I would choose Riley, nothing with that had changed and Edwardo knew that now. But...the news about my parents...about me being the only reason they couldn't be happy, or everything I represented...I mean, I knew they didn't love me like normal parents did. I thought their form of love was tough love...but...apparently they just hated me. They hated that I had to exist. That I had to be born and created. They hated me. 

I was still breathing heavily and suddenly, I heard the soft voice of my mate cut through the thick fog of my painful thoughts. "Asher? Asher breath with me" he softly instructed and I was able to look at him, but couldn't follow his request. Only now did I realize, that Riley had deserted his place on the couch, where I had left him long before I had even walked back into the room. And I realized, that I really couldn't get any air into my lungs. "I-I can't breath! Why can't I breath??" I panicked, not understanding what was happening to me and suddenly, Riley leaned forward, taking me into a very tight hug, squeezing my torso as hard as he could and somehow, that helped a bit. 

"You can Asher, just breath in....hold it....and out. In....and out, just like that" he instructed, still hugging me and suddenly, as the air floated my lungs, everything came crushing down, as I started shaking, my legs giving out under me and Riley didn't complain, he simply loosened his grip, so I could slowly fall to the ground, with his arms on either side of me and I just didn't understand what was happening to me?? What was my body trying to tell me? I had spend so many years suppressing any kind of negative emotion, it was overwhelming trying to let anything out, but the way Riley stared at me, I knew that with him, my feelings were safe. 

My whole figure was trembling, as I had no strength to stand up again and Riley was kneeling in front of me, taking my hands and kissing them, searching my eyes for any clue as to what I might need in that moment. My chest felt tight and my body told me there was a vent somewhere inside of me to let this pressure out, but I didn't know how to do that! "What's happening to me??" I asked sounding as terrified as I was in that moment and Riley had tears in his eyes, as it pained him to see me like this, so helpless, so overwhelmed with everything. 

"You gotta let it out Asher. Don't hold it in. Just take a deep breath and let go" he whispered, trying not to let his voice shake and I wanted this nonsense my body was putting me through to stop, so I followed his advice and took a deep breath, imagining letting go. And as if I saw my barriers break, crumbling inside of me, a flood of emotions hit me, almost paralyzing me completely and suddenly, there was something wet on my cheek and I realized, that I was crying. "Thats good baby, let it out" Riley nodded, trying to hold his own tears back, as he stroke over the top of my head, trying to give me some affection and support I very much needed.