c h a p t e r. 36

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"Because I know it in my bones. You are the only one I desire, the only water that will quench my thirst, the only sun that will warm my skin, the only lips that were made for mine."  -Dannika Dark

chapter 36

Jazz thought about the concept of sex for a long time.

He did research.

Research! For sex!

Because he doesn't know what the fuck-- literally fuck-- is going to happen or when or what his God is going to expect but he wants... he wants to love the celestial like that.

The musician just doesn't know how to start that conversation.

He's been wanting to bring it up for a week now, to let his boyfriend know he's ready and that he hasn't had a nightmare or a flashback or the feeling of Keres' hands ghosting over his body for a month now.

He wants to tell Castor how he's the only one Jazz can touch without feeling sick to his stomach or things crawling over his skin-- and that he wants the god to touch him more, too.

And it's just a normal night right now.

A friday, nothing special about it.

They're watching a movie like every other night, already done with dinner and cuddling. It has been like every other day back at their dorm, just at the cabin now. They woke up together, Jazz and Castor went on a run on the beach, got coffee with the D'Silvettas and their bae's, did their everyday things and they laughed and smiled and now they're just here.

Doing what they always do, just on their island.

But for some reason, Jazz just blurts, "I want to have sex with you." without any fucking context or being asked or prompted to do so-- the movie they're watching is about zombies, for crying out loud.

Zombies! That's not even romantic!

He almost wanted to take those words right back, seeing the astonished look on his boyfriend's face, but didn't and ended up rambling instead, "I want to have sex, with you, and I mean, I don't -I haven't wanted to have sex with someone before. You're just, you're just you? And I don't, I can't explain why -you know why. I just thought I should let you know and um... uh... say something?"

"There's not-- bit hot innit!-- pressure, I guess?" Castor seemed at a loss for words. "Fuck, I, I do too but there's--" He growled. "--nothing wrong with wanting that but not having it. It's...normal? But I'll still respect your boundaries."

Oh. He wasn't understanding.

Which would be cute, since the musician is usually the oblivious one, if it wasn't so frustrating.

"Hey, I told you before," Castor said softly, cupping his jaw, lightning-strike eyes nothing but honest. "I'm okay waiting. If this is just because you think I want it, I mean- -bit hot innit- -of course I do, don't think about that. You have to be ready. And comfortable."

"I-I know that, Star." Jazz flushes, leaning in to give him a quick, gentle kiss. "What I'm saying is I want to have sex with you. Um...tonight."

The God blushes right up to his ears.

And, quite honestly, it was kind of funny. Castor was not someone who blushed easy, but this is what made him go all red?

"Tonight?" The musician isn't sure why his boyfriend sounded so surprised. But, then again, this is coming from kinda out of nowhere. "What-- mother ducklings-- changed? You're sure? I don't want to be the reason you do something you'll regret."

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