c h a p t e r. 1

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"It's so strange how life works: You want something and you wait and wait and feel like it's taking forever to come. Then it happens and it's over and all you want to do is curl back up in that moment before things changed."
-Lauren Oliver

I have synesthesia, just like Jazz, but with some different/same ones as well as the ones he has (chromesthesia with auditory-tactile, lexile-gustatory, interception, and spatial-sequence synesthesia). So if you guys have any questions, please don't be afraid to ask!

chapter 1

Sometimes, when Jazz is stressed, he needs to surround himself in a symphony of colors and music; other times he needs to create that sound, he needs to be a part of something, he needs to feel needed.

He understands loneliness and he understands what it feels like to be different.

Music is a way to escape all of that.

It could calm him down, make him feel warm as the sound's vibrations wrap him into their familiar grips and not let go. Blues held him clue and squeezes, baritone and bases were purples and oranges and they tingled.

Greens were safe.

Always. No exception.

Which is why, maybe, despite only knowing Cas for about a day-- having met him last night, cooked for him before both of them unpacked and passed out in their respective rooms-- he couldn't help but to trust the cutie.

His whole existence was just ethereal green; voice, emotions, and the feeling that erupted in Jazz's chest at the sight of his smile.

He was also a really nice guy, from what he could tell. Quiet most of the time, even though his song and colors were loud and intense. It was impossible to be ignored, kind of distracting, but so beautiful.

Beautiful enough to know that Jazz's heart was going to be in trouble for making him feel all these stupid feelings in such a short fucking time. It made him feel... selfish, in an odd way.

He already had so much-- a great family, good friends, and opportunities-- so why did he want more?

Why couldn't he just be content?

But was it really bad to want someone to share his life with?

Jazz grew up seeing his parents in love, grew up with Nyx and Damian dancing around each other, their respective reds not distinguishable between the two of them, he watched Eris and Dela fall in love with their bubblegum and peach girlfriends and he watched as his friends and cousins got their partners.

The Red's, D'Silvetta's, Astoria's, and Riddle's were his family and they were people who fell fast and hard and they were people who found their one early in life.

They were mostly high school sweethearts.

But Jazz, he never really felt that spark before; that connection of just something being right, something clicking.

He has had crushes but he hasn't been in love.

Is it so bad that he wants to know what that feels like?

And yeah, Cas got him thinking about that, but it wasn't just because of the celestial.

He wanted, simply, to know what his music would sound like if he understood love instead of just catching glimpses of the color as it passed through other people's songs.

Jazz isn't sure what his inner song sounded like, but he knew a piece was missing from it-- a piece he didn't know what it was, but wanting it back nonetheless.

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