If I Knew Then (Phan)

Appearances Are Everything

Dan-

My head snapped up as soon as I heard a voice call my name. I see a familiar car pull up next to my bench. I recognize the driver as Phil, this kid at my school. What the hell could he want?

"What?" I call back, sounding a lot less hostile than I'd meant to. You see, Phil wasn't just some kid I knew. He was the one that me and my friends always picked on. I mean, it's just what people did. You were either in my group, invisible, or Phil. That's how it works.

Phil looked at me for a moment. It was then I realized what I must look like. I was soaking wet, my eyes were probably red, and I was sitting on a bench in the middle of the night sulking. Shit.

Phil-

I was shocked at Dan's appearance. His clothes were soaking wet from the rain and he looked as if he had been crying. He always looked so put together at school it was more than a little rattling to see him any other way.

“You lost?” I ask him, dreading that he’ll say yes.

“No.” he says rudely, but somehow with the way he looks he doesn’t seem so rude.

“You look pretty damn lost.” I say.

“Fuck off, twat.” he growls.

“You’re sitting in the rain moping on a bench.” I say like a smartass, Why can’t I just shut my mouth and drive away? This isn’t like me.

To my surprise I hear a harsh laugh in a response. It’s not a nice laugh, but at least it doesn’t sound like he plans on punching me.

Dan-

I find myself laughing. Phil’s right. I’m sitting on a bench in the rain moping. I catch myself quickly and bit back the rest of my laugh.

“Didn’t I say fuck off?” I say nastily “It means leave.”

“You sure as hell deserve to be left in the rain” he says. He’s right. I do deserve to be left in the rain, but he wouldn’t be Phil if he left me here. That’s why people are so hard on him at school. Why I’m so hard on him. He’s too nice, put other people before himself. That’s his own fault

“Then why don’t you leave?” I ask, looking up.

“Because you’re sitting on a bench in the rain” he says. Like I said, he’s too nice.

“What makes you think I don’t want to be here?”

Phil just stares at me. I stand up.

Phil-

What the actual fuck am I do? I’m inviting the person who torments me daily into my car for a ride home. How stupid can I get?!

I open the door as he stands up. He slides into the passenger seat, cocky as ever.

As I go to roll up the window I realize I’m not wearing my jacket, meaning my wrists are exposed. Deep red cuts and white scars obscure my pale skin and for a moment total panic sets in. Oh god, he’ll see them. My jacket’s in the back. I can’t get it, because that will only draw attention. I just have to hope he doesn’t notice. I turn my wrist so that he can’t see it.

“Well?” he asks. I realize I haven’t moved the car. I put the car in drive and start down the road.

“Where to?” I ask. Then realize I’m lost, so the question is kinda unimportant.

“A bar.” he answers. I laugh.

“You can’t be serious. You won’t get in”

“Like hell I won’t.” he says sharply.

“Right, whatever” I say and drive for few more minutes. I turn up the music and Dan looks down in surprise.

“Origin of Symmetry?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I say, surprised. I didn’t expect a person like Dan to have any sort of musical taste. Dan starts singing along under his breathe and a weird feeling develops in my stomach. It’s almost like... No. I stop my thought process right there, because I’m not even sure where my thought process was going.

“I might have mentioned earlier I’m completely lost.” I said to distract myself.

Dan laughed, for real this time.