If I Knew Then (Phan)

Silence

Phil -

Shit! This was the one thing I wanted to avoid. He could have found out everything else and that would have been okay. But this?

I don't know what to do. My thoughts are moving at lightening speed, but there's not one good idea in my head.

I hear the door slam and I know I have to say something, anything. He's going to think I'm some sort of freak. He's going to hate me.

I bet that's what he thought I would think when he said he was gay. It's just as big a deal and my reaction to that was horrible. I deserve for him to think I'm a freak.

I get up and slowly make my way to the back of the house, not looking forward to the coming conversation.

I lightly knock on the door and I hear him move against the door, he must be leaning on it.

I hear him get up and the door opens slowly. We stare at each other for a while, neither of us daring to breathe.

All of a sudden he throws his arms around me, hugging me tight. I don't know what to do. I still don't move. I don't breathe, I just wait for him to move. It's not because I don't want to hug him, but my thoughts are already scattered enough. I don't need dither distraction.

He moves back, looking scared and ashamed. The look in his eyes does it and I snatch him back, my turn to hug him close.

I hear him take a sharp breath and I let go. Not a word has passed between us yet, there's not really much to say.

I walk past him and sit on his bed, looking up at him. Eventually he nods and heads over to the couch. I lie down and just stare at the ceiling. He does the same for a while, but I feel his eyes in me and I roll over to face him.

He gets up slowly, as if not to startle me, and comes over to stand by the bed. After another long moment he lies down next to me and curls himself into a ball.

We don't speak we just lie there next to each other and eventually we drift off to sleep.

Authors Note:

Thank you guys so much, reads have doubled in the past two days! I love y'all!!

Oh and by the way, I don't write smut. I don't, it won't happen, get over it. I'm far too awkward for such things. (Or as my ex would say 'prudish' /Maybe I am prudish, bitch. Get over it/) So anyway. Without giving away too many spoilers, I just want to say. There will not be smut.