If I Knew Then (Phan)

Memories

Phil -

The parking lot is already full when I pull in. I park the car and hurry inside. I haven't caught sight of any of Dan's friends, but I don't tempt fate by going to my locker, I just hurry to class and slide into my seat.

The bell hasn't rung, but many people are already here. A girl reads near the back of the room, a couple of guys are laughing by the white board. A group of girls with too much make up walking in giggling. The teacher sits at his desk, oblivious to it all.

Sitting here it all seems to silly and so pointless. I can't believe that I had wanted to stay for.. This. A bunch of animals milling around looking for attention. Acting like their meaningless purpose is the most important thing in the world.

Even still, I can't just walk away from it all. And then there's my brother to think about... But I shouldn't have blown off Dan the way I had. I'd probably just given him more reason to leave, with or without me.

As soon as I thought it, the thought consumed me. What if he left? What if he just drove away today, without telling me? My breath caught and all of a sudden I could barely breathe. He wouldn't do that... Would he?

I reached for my phone, but I realized I had left it at his house. I had one class with him, third period. The clock suddenly slowed to the speed of cold molasses and all I could do was stare at it. I heard the bell ring, the start of class. My eyes stayed on the clock. It rang again. I got up, everything still so slow. Next class. I sat down. The bell rang. I stared. It rang again. And it was like the world caught and everything was suddenly was moving too fast. I moved as fast as I could to my next class. I was the first one there and I sat down. Not in my seat, but the first one I could reach because I didn't think I could stand up much longer. I stared at the door, waiting. And hoping that he'd walk in.

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He never did walk in that door. The rest of that day is a blur of movement and time. I drove back to his house and his car was gone. My clothes were outside, along with my phone. I remember sitting on his porch for hours, staring at the empty place where his car had been that morning.

I suppose the thought popped into his head and he couldn't get it out of his mind. It seemed like the only way he had. I suppose he had less to stay for than I did. I had my brother to think about. But I still wonder what would have happened if I had agreed to walk out the door with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Authors Note:

DON'T MURDER ME! It's not over, I swear!!! So don't scream at me.