Betting on You

40

f o r t y

It felt different to walk through my front door.

It wasn't just because I had been gone for a week, but also because of the events that had warranted my absence. It was expected, but that didn't mean that I was ready for it.

"Oh, I can take that, Dad." I reached out for the small tote bag of mine that he had been carrying. It held some of my belongings and school things of mine that I had brought to me during my stay to fight off my boredom, and to stay consistent with my work. There were also a couple of bottles of pills in there; Anti-depressants, an anxiety medication, and something to help me sleep.

My dad smiled at me as he shut the door behind us, shaking his head. "Don't worry sweetheart. I don't mind taking it for you."

"I can carry it just fine," I tried to reach for it again. "Dad. I'm not incapable."

"No, I know," he agreed quickly, his eyes darting between mine as if he were afraid to upset me in any capacity. He was like this the first time I had truly hurt myself like this, too. It just... it wasn't as intense. "I just want to do something nice for you."

"Mom told me you were making ratatouille for dinner tonight," I smiled at him. It was a favorite dish of mine that he made from time to time, and I knew that he was making it tonight partly because I had returned home, and also because he wanted to ensure I would eat dinner. "Aren't you gonna go focus on that? It's all going in my room and that's where I'm headed."

He pursed his lips at my protest, sighing through his nose before finally allowing me a tight-lipped smile. He shrugged off the tote bag and held it out to me. I smiled as I took it.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Just go and get some rest, darling," he kissed the top of my head. "You're right. I'll go and get dinner started."

I forced another bright smile for his benefit before I turned at last and headed up the stairs. I felt his eyes on me as I reached the top and disappeared from his line of sight.

Once I reached the top and heard him finally retreat into the kitchen, I took what felt like my first real breath. I liked familiarity, and seeing the hall leading to my bedroom at the end of it was a sight I never thought I would be particularly happy about. It didn't look like anything had been moved or changed since I had last been here. It felt as though none of what I'd done had even happened.

I walked past Harmony's room, the door open but I could see that she wasn't in there. After our conversation yesterday, it was still a bit weird between us. I mean, I think it would always be weird because of how rocky our relationship has been these past four months that she's been here. But now she knew everything about what's been happening between... and she had feelings for him. Would she get bitter about it and tell people? Well, maybe not now that she knew how I struggled.

She knew I was getting discharged from the hospital at five this evening, but she told me she wouldn't be here by the time I got back home. Which obviously made me ask her why, but she evaded the topic with ease. So I didn't press for more, especially since she reassured me that she'd be back in time for dinner.

The same thing went for my mother. She and Aunt Marge were out doing something and so it was just my dad and I in the house for the next hour or two. That was fine with me. Fewer people for a while was good.