Betting on You

44

f o r t y f o u r
luke's pov

The conversation around the table was... stiff.

It was obvious that Maddy's parents didn't really want to get into anything just yet, and it was also obvious that my parents didn't want to seem like they were prying. Marge ended up doing a lot of babbling, but I guess that was more welcomed than the silence. And the tension.

Both the dads sat at the heads of the table, with Mrs. Woods sitting to her husband's right, and mum sitting to dad's left with Harm's mother between them. Maddy sat on the other side of her dad and, hesitantly, I had taken up my usual spot beside her. I knew it was the last thing that she wanted but she didn't protest, wanting to continue to trick our parents that there was nothing wrong between us.

At least I had that.

After everyone had taken a share of the food -- a turkey with stuffing, mashed potatoes and corn, and as always, a salad -- that's when the shaking just wouldn't stop.

I'd gotten anxious every now and then, sure. And when that happened, or if I was nervous, a habit of mine was the seemingly uncontrollable bounce of my leg. But now my hands seemed to be shaking and that was serving to be a bit of a problem.

I had become too dependent, I think. Dependent on my relationship with Maddy. If she was happy then I was happy. If she was sad, then I was sad. And if she was angry or not talking to me, that's how I seemed to feel too.

And now things between us were so incredibly broken that I didn't know how to behave. She was angry and upset with me and rightfully so, but I was suddenly unable to function. Does Maddy feel like this too? A discreet glance in her direction let me know that her hands weren't shaking and she seemed to otherwise be fine.

But she was good at pretending.

Maddy's dad had cleared his throat then, looking solely at his daughter before around the table at everyone else. "Well, I think we should take some time to clear the elephant in the room."

"Oh no," mum shook her head. "You don't have to explain anything if you're not comfortable. We're just happy that everyone is safe, and home for the holidays."

My leg bounced frantically under the table as I picked up my fork and begun to eat, trying to be nonchalant as Maddy cleared her throat. "You guys deserve an explanation for what happened," she nodded softly, briefly looking at me. "You really helped us out when our car wouldn't start. And we know that you all care about me, so... so I'm really sorry. That you had to see me like that. I'm really, really sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, Madeline," dad smiled sadly at her, and I felt the lump in my throat make a reappearance. I shoved some food down my throat to force myself to swallow. "And we're here for you, always."

"Thank you." In my peripheral, I could see that she sent them a small smile. And then she went on. "For a couple of years now, I've been going through a rough time, mentally, and about two years ago, I started seeing a therapist. There were a lot of factors as to why I was feeling the way I was but with time, things were getting better, and she really was helping me out. Uh... but I guess I've been really stressed recently. I... it's hard to explain, but I got into a really bad headspace and forgo-ed everything I had been working on, and... yeah. I wasn't trying to, you know, die... but I guess I hurt myself too deeply and uh.. you had to see me like that." She stumbled through the remainder of her explanation and the guilt inside me was eating me alive.

Die. I could hear it in her voice that she was sugar-coating and it made my chest hurt again. As I raised my fork to my lips, my shaking hand caused the food to spill off, and so I tried again.