Falling for my Best Friend

The Reality of a "Perfect" Life

Wren

I can't believe I'm already a quarter of the way through senior year, the first weeks have passed by quickly while everyone got used to their schedules and routines.

I'm already busy, but when I accepted the position as Editor-in-Chief of the Yearbook, I knew what I was signing up for. Every kid at school who barely noticed me before started clamoring for photo ops, pitching me ideas for the student life section, and basically begging to be featured in the Senior Send-off. There's a reason that it's tradition for the editor to get most stressed during senior superlatives, but lately, I've really been living up to that title.

My little sister Quin is in middle school now, I don't have to tell you that it's the worst; if you've been there, you know what I mean... I feel awful for her because she has to grow up so fast, between trying to fit in at school and getting used to the extra responsibilities. Plus, things at home have been getting worse too.

My dad is drinking again, and my mom never stopped. I don't mean a few beers in the evening, I mean I went to borrow some boots from my mom's closet and found a half-empty handle of vodka hidden in the leg. My parents don't fight, they barely talk to each other, let alone to my sister and me. I've been basically parenting Quin by myself for the last few months.

It's my responsibility to make sure that she has clean clothes to wear and food to eat. Dad supports us financially but doesn't complete any of the actions to get things done. He puts money in the can and food magically shows up in the fridge. He tosses his clothes in the hamper and they get washed, dried, and folded. On the weekends he spends his time tinkering outside, but that's fine with me. It gives me the space I need to do the housekeeping and prepare for the week ahead without his critical eye.

Sure, my parents rally for special occasions and honestly, I can't lie and say I don't have the kindest parents when they want to be. Most nights I cook dinner while my mom lies in bed with a bottle watching soap operas. This didn't just happen overnight; it's been a gradual decline since I was in middle school. The reality that I will be eighteen soon and able to leave and make some real decisions about my future is set in. However, with the way things are, I don't know if I could leave Quin here.

I learned how to cook from Mom when I was younger, and just do my best with anything I don't know. When people come over for dinner, mom always gets dressed and is sure to take credit for my work. She never officially says she cooked, but when people thank her for her hospitality or the food she never gives me any props either. That's just another ruse I allow in order to keep up appearances.

To the outside observer, we are blessed, little golden children. We live in a beautiful house in one of the nicest neighborhoods in town. We both get good grades and always have friends over and around our house. Everything we need, we have; we never want for anything material. We have the clothes and the cool shoes but what those observers don't know is that all we really want is to be a family again. Things were so good when we were younger and I don't know how things got this messed up.

My dad loves me but he really doesn't know how to deal with females. I can only imagine the way he is with mom behind closed doors but he always talks down to us and makes me feel small. It seems that my biggest sin in life is having hips and boobs.

He comments on everything I wear, "Don't you want to wear something more flattering?"

What I eat, "Are you sure you need that?"

When it comes to my sister her biggest fault is being tall, thin, and pretty. He is always commenting on her too, and has even told her not to dress like a slut when she was eleven; she was wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt.

Dad is old-fashioned and also struggles with anxiety and depression. It seems like he is never going to get help either because according to him, "he doesn't need medication to handle himself" but you know, the booze is a good way of handling it in his mind. Ugh.

I make it my job to keep up the appearance of the perfect fantasy life everyone thinks we're living. There is no point in airing my parent's dirty laundry for everyone to see. I don't need pity and I'm managing this as well as I think any adult would.

Thank God for Killian, he is my best friend and probably the only other person on earth who kind of knows what I'm really dealing with day to day. I still don't even tell him every little detail because he hasn't had an easy time either and he doesn't need me piling on.

He had a rough summer too. Kilian and I started this school year off with a pact, to live our lives for ourselves and try to stop our families from dragging us down. We talked about all the goals we want to achieve like going to college away from home and we have big plans for our eighteenth birthdays. The simpler goal is to try to be high schoolers. We have missed out on so many Friday night football games, pep rallies and tailgate parties just to stay home and clean up our family's messes. It is time to change that.

What Kil doesn't know is that I have some secret goals for myself too. Being kissed by a guy that likes me is at the top of my bucket list! I don't know how I've gone this long in my life without being kissed. I've never made time for boyfriends, I guess maybe I didn't need one with my guy gang around all the time but I am starting to feel like I need more.

Killian, Gael, Declan, and I have become inseparable since freshman year. No other guy has ever shown interest in me but I tried not to let that get me down, I'm sure to any outsider it would be intimidating to get past those three. Of course, there has been a fair share of rumors about us all, which one I am dating, and maybe I am dating all three. Well, that needs to change this year, I refuse to graduate high school without a kiss. How can I go off to college when I've barely started to live?