Falling for my Best Friend

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Wren

The early bell rang, ending my last class so I joined the mob of students heading into the gym. Everyone packs together so tightly that you can smell what they all ate for lunch. It's hot, sticky and gross but I secretly really like pep rallies so to me, it's worth it.

I know, I sound like a joiner but school spirit is kind of fun sometimes. I like how it feels when the gym is full of students and energy. This pep rally is for Homecoming so it's usually more special than the others.

When I step through the gym doors a whoosh of cold fresh air hits me. I can smell the floor wax and the rubbery scent of basketballs but for some weird reason, it's comforting.

I make my way to the very top of the bleachers to find my friends already there, saving me a seat. We listen to the band and watch the cheerleaders, some of us a little more closely than others. We offer up the traditional rallying whoops at the end of the show and wait for the gym to clear out.

"Kil, are you coming with me now?" I ask.

"Take Declan, I need to talk to Kilian about something, I'll bring him to your house later," Gael interjects.

"Okay? Come on, Dec, you get first dibs on snacks," I say looping my arm through his and pulling him with me.

"That was weird, right?" Declan questions quietly as we walk away.

"Yeah, but let them have their secrets, I'm sure we'll find out about it sooner or later," I say assuredly.

Gael

I'm nervously wringing my hands because all of a sudden three pairs of eyes are trained right on me. Why is everyone looking at me like I have food on my face? I just want to talk to Kilian. We're all friends, it's not so strange.

We watch as Dec and Wren walk away from us then Kilian and I gather our things and start to walk down the steps then out the door. The walk to my truck seems awkward and quiet. Usually, we would have found something to joke about by now, but Kilian is silent as a church mouse.

I jostle Kilian's arm a little bit and say, "You can put your bike in the truck bed when we get to Wren's, and I'll drop it by your house for you after the game."

"Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?" Kilian chuckles.

I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not, I'm so off kilter right now.

"No, it's probably not a big deal, I just wanted to ask you something," I say as we get into the truck.

"Don't leave me in suspense," Kilian says with a smirk.

I feel so hot, and my throat feels dry. Training the truck's AC vents on myself does little to ease my discomfort. Clearly, I'm spinning out. Why is this so hard for me to say? Why do I even feel like I need to tell him or ask him anything? What is going on with me? I should have talked to Declan first. Shit, maybe this is a big mistake.

"Well..." Kilian says impatiently, he's clearly getting annoyed.

"Do you ever think about what happens next, like maybe there is more than friendship on the table with Wren?" I ask.

I decided it would be best to rip off the band-aid instead of giving into the self-destructive spiral I'm in.

Kilian coughs and his breath catches in his throat for a minute like he's clearly surprised. "What? Like me and Wrenny?" he finally replies.

"Any of us and Wren?" I say.

"Is Declan into Wren? That came out of nowhere!" Kilian exclaims like he can hardly believe it. "They are like the most brother sister duo I've ever seen, there's no chemistry there," he spits back almost incoherently.

"You're making this hard for me man, me and Wren, I want to ask her to Homecoming," I finally admit.

There is a long pause only leaving more room for me to spiral into the abyss of self loathing. What is going on? Why was I last on his list of who would like Wren? Is he pissed? Maybe I should have waited until he got more sleep. What do I care? Kilian doesn't own Wren.

Kilian shakes his head like he's clearing it, "Sorry bro, I just wasn't expecting this. What do you want me to do?"

"Say you're not pissed? Give me a reason to stay away from her? Tell me what you're thinking," I plead.

"I suppose it's up to Wren but I'm not going to stand in your way," Kilian finally says after a long while. "Take it slow, please, think of what this could do to our group if it goes sideways, it's senior year and I don't want there to be any rifts. Make damn sure, know what I mean? She really can't take anything else bad right now."

"Listen man, I care about her too and I know you guys are close that's why I wanted to talk to you. I'll ask her but I won't be over the top romantic or anything. It can be a friend thing and then we'll see what happens. I'm not even sure how I feel; I just keep getting this nagging feeling around her that I can't really explain. I will make sure before I do anything, okay?" I spill.

"Yeah, okay, just let me know what happens, I was going to take her. I don't want her to go to Homecoming alone, as long as she's going with you, I'm cool with that," Kil says, seemingly calmed down and now more encouraging of the whole idea.

"Well don't say anything to her, please. I haven't talked to Declan yet and I don't know how I'll ask her, so just me and you for now, okay?" I beg.

"Deal," is all I get in return but I suppose it's better than nothing.

Kilian

All I can hear in my head are sirens and alarm bells. My stomach is hot, I feel my lunch coming up in my throat and it burns. I thought I hid my feelings for Wren really well. How could he have picked up on this, where did I slip up?

After I caught my breath I questioned which one of us he was talking about. Gael looked confused and continued on, eventually telling me that he's into Wren, or that he might be into Wren. I'm honestly not sure which one is worse.

All of my waiting around for the right time shit has finally come back to bite me. What if she likes him too? What if they get married and live happily ever after and I'll have to be the Best Man and smile like it's not tearing my heart out? I'll have to see their cute little kids calling me uncle when I should really be their dad. Will I be miserable for the rest of my life? I realize I've been quiet for too long and try to shake myself back to reality.

Who am I to stand in the way if they want to be together? I can't really admit my feelings for Wren right now because she should definitely be the first to know if she ever gets to know. I mutter some things like a big brother; don't mess her around, go slow and try to be supportive but I'm dying inside. Wren is my best friend and now he wants me to keep this secret from her? This night just got a lot more interesting.