Lost Minds

36

I narrow my eyes at him as he stares at me.

"What do you want? Are you here to ignore me? Or yell at me again? Do you need sugar?" I mock as he lets out a sigh.

"Let me come in." He states, his stare still boring into my eyes. I scoff.

"Fuck off, Daxon. Good night." I move to close the door.

I thought I was close with him. He helped me that one time and I thought that meant something for both of us. I guess not.

The door jams, as Daxon puts his foot between it and the wall. He comes into the apartment, as I glance down towards his foot.

That must've hurt.

But more importantly, why's he coming in?

"Daxon, I just told you-" He shuts the door close behind him, pushing me up against the wall next to us. A small yelp comes out of me as his face sits inches from mine.

"I don't know what to do with you. You're in my head everyday, all the time, and I can't let these guys see that, but why can't I let myself stay away from you? I'm supposed to h-" He cuts off his words, as his nose brushes mine. I hold my breath.

In his head? Do with me?

"What...do you mean, Daxon?" Why's he acting like this? And why can't I breathe?

This is who he used to be. We've been this close time and time again. Why's it hard to think this time? Why's my heart beating this fast?

"Are you doing this on purpose? Using your eyes to trap me? I hate your eyes. I hate everything about you. It's your fault, it's all your fault and yet why can't I leave you alone? Why are you... this beautiful?" His hand scrapes my cheek as his breath lingers moments away from my lips.

I want to....touch his lips.

I clench my jaw.

No, no, what's he talking about?

"What's my fault? What's wrong Daxon?" I ask, returning his intense glare as his eyes look from my lips to my eyes. Shivers erupt up and down my spine as his lips press against mine.

I should push him off. I should cuss him out. I should but, what's this sweet... addicting feeling?

"Everything's your fault and I need you to make things right. But I don't know what else I need you for, and yet, something in my chest keeps reacting when you're around. I- I have to go." With that, he storms out of my apartment, leaving me without any energy in my knees. They buckle and I hit the floor, my eyes glued to the shadow of his departure.

What the fuck just happened? And why can I still not breathe?

~~~

I sit dazed on my couch. My bowl of cereal sits in my lap as I stare into an abyss of confusion.

"Is she alive?"

"I don't know. Let's take some of her cereal though." My cereal bowl is stolen from my hands, but I don't move.

Kiss...

"HELLO!" I blink out of my trace as Maddy hops down next to me, after nearly blowing off my ear drum. I turn my head, glaring at her.

"What do you want?" I ask.

I already have enough to think about.

Daxon. Kiss. My fault? What is going-

"You're dozing off again." Maddy whines, swatting at my shoulder.

She's right. I can't focus. Why can't I focus?

What Daxon did doesn't have to mean anything to me. I don't have to care.

My lips tingle as the thought passes through my mind, as my heart beat quickens.

Fuck, how do I not care?

"Ugh, well you're going to have to snap out of it now. We're here to take you to train." My mind finally lets reality in a bit as I glance at Maddy sitting beside me.

"Who's my teacher?" I mumble.

Please don't be Daxon. I can't face him right now.

Please be Daxon. I want to see him.

I shake my head, clenching my teeth as unfamiliar feelings boil in my heart.

Someone grabs my hand, pulling me out my trance and chair. Scarlet and I head towards the door. A grin comes to my lips.

I would've probably sat there, thinking for the next couple of hours. It's nice to have people who care about me.

"Yeah, Scar! Let's head outside!" Maddy hoots from behind me as we exit my apartment and go to the stairs. Passing by Daxon's apartment, no noise is heard.

"Oh, all the guys are outside. I'm guessing you didn't hear me earlier but Cole and Matteo are training you today. They're better than most of us and Daxon's sulking today. Don't know why." She finishes and another flame of confusion lights within me.

Is he as conflicted as me? Why did he kiss me? There was no reason for that. What's my fault? I knew he was hiding something but what could it be? What's making him push me away?

We stumble down the steps as my thoughts race and cram in my head, barely making enough space for each other as another pops up. I'm going to explode. I want to scream.

But the one person who made me feel okay, isn't someone I can go to right now.

He said I'm always in his head. He said he didn't know what to do with me, that he needed me for something. Is that like what's happening to me now?

The door before us creaks open as the stairs are left behind. The morning sun peeks through the clouds as I look up into the trees. I really live in a forest now, don't I?

"Good morning ladies! Bring Naomi over and we'll get started right away!" Matteo yells as Daxon emerges from the side of the building, coming towards us. I gulp.

I didn't want to see him.

Yes I did.

My heart thumps harder in my chest as he stops in front of us. I avoid eye contact, looking over his shoulder to Matteo.

"I'll take care of Naomi. I'm training her." Daxon says, as all the hairs on my body freeze.

Huh?