Lost Minds

21

Finally fucking home.

After about 45 minutes of trudging through the dark streets of the town, we made it to my front yard. Daxon waved me goodbye and I didn't ask him if he had a place to stay tonight.

I need to be away from him.

The house was silence as usual and now in my room I'm stuffed, sore, and confused.

How do you ignore someone you need for something else?

I tell myself constantly that he's a piece of shit and I should convince myself to leave behind my selfish desires that link me to him but for some reason they all get drowned out when I pick up the gun under my pillow.

I flip onto my stomach, slipping my hand under that pillow and grabbing the gun.

The feeling of overwhelming satisfaction fills me as I clench my fist around it.

This is what's holding me back, and what is going to cause me to get hurt.

Everyone, sooner or later, realizes how I am and they run or try to change me. Maybe the reason I'm scared of getting close with him is that he's worse than I am and that might make him stick around.

I don't want anyone around. I've been fine by myself for years and can't let some new guy mess up my mojo, it's all I have.

It's my first line of defense, as my therapists would say anyway.

Ugh, I fucking hate that guy.

I kick my shoes off and crawl farther on to the bed, shuffling under the covers.

Maybe, sleep will make it go away. My thoughts, this friendship, and Daxon.

***

My eyes squint open as my alarm clock gleams 6:59 am.

This has been the worst sleep of my life, my mind was way too awake. I was tossing and turning all night.

The alarm goes off and I slam my hand down on it.

Why the fuck did I wake up now?

I throw my body up off the bed, and mope into the bathroom. Silence stains the hallway as I enter the bathroom.

They've been making so much of a fuss nowadays, I forgot how quiet it used to be in the morning. I guess Ruth scared them good.

I like her. I'd be her friend.

I finish getting dressed and leave the house. My eyes are drawn to the empty driveway.

They haven't come home yet? It was probably date night.

I hurry to school and jog across the street to the entrance of it. I don't know why I don't already have a car of my own, but asking those two is like asking a wall.

I'll just walk for now.

I make it to class on time and ignore the glare from Mr.Bunnet as I trudge over to my seat behind Daxon's and sit down. His chair stands vacant, as I sit in mine.

He's not here?

I mean, that's fair. With all the dead bodies in his backyard right now, I wouldn't be here either.

Or he didn't make it home. Maybe one of those hit-men were waiting for him and since he had no car and they knew where he lived, they killed him.

The little demon says on my shoulder.

You didn't offer him a place to sleep and it's your job to take care of him. You left him to deal with his situation by himself. You killed him.