one girl with a drugie mom and daddy issues, and one 'gangster' boy who will put up with her problems, as he deals with his own.
an ashtray fanfic.
never proof read, so correct me if there's any mistakes!
liani had convinced almost everybody that she was getting better. she was sober, which meant she wasn't forgetting half of the things she did or putting herself on some sort of danger. however, liani preferred not being sober, as bad as it sound. most drug addicts would say the opposite, you know, saying a whole speech about how they want to get sober and how their wasting their life away, but when liani wasn't high or drunk, like she hadn't been for awhile now, she felt bored. she now had to keep herself busy, always out with ashtray or at least one of her friends, if she was just sitting at home she was constantly thinking about what she could be doing, partying and being shit faced drunk, or somewhere in that category.
she had gotten closer to catalina, the two texted for a good five minutes each day, however they hadn't hung out since last time liani ended up at a party. catalina knew that she had drunkly told liani about how she felt for the girl, but liani never brung it up, so neither did she.
juliet, was happy she didn't have to worry as much about liani. before, when liani was constantly drinking or taking drugs here and there, which not much people knew about, not even ashtray, she was constantly worried that liani would end up killing herself, or getting herself killed. it felt like a relief now that liani had been sober for while. she didn't know how long that would last, though. liani could tend to be very sensitive, she never showed how she felt or talked about it much, she'd just go off and get drunk or high and eventually forget about it. she knew that if something happened, probably another fight with her mom, she'd relapse in a heartbeat. but she couldn't help but have hope that just maybe, she wouldn't.
liani knew how worried juliet could get, she obviously felt bad, which is why juliet is another reason she's been sober. she had always been a little confused, though. she didn't understand why juliet was on her ass always about staying clean when she wasn't always, neither. juliet would drink at party's and when she was around her friends, she stayed away from hard drugs and only did others when she was with liani, or sam, where she felt comfortable. maybe it was the fact that juliet didn't do that as much, she didn't have an addiction to any of it, which liani knew. but it couldn't help but cross her mind every time juliet brought up liani being sober, wether it was asking if she was or awhile ago when she would tell her she needed to get sober.
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liani zipped up her all black, zip up jacket as she walked down the stairs of her house. she was about to leave to go meet ashtray at his and fezcos liquor store. she glanced at the couch, checking if her mother was still home, and raised her eyebrows when she was.
she walked to the front door, putting her hand on the door handle to twist it and leave, but slowly turned to look at the woman. she saw her laid out, her arms spreaded out on each side of her and her legs wide, sleeping, or unconscious, or the other option, dead.
thoughts ran through lianis mind, she bit the inside of her cheek before letting out a sigh and throwing her head back. she slowly made her way over to her mom, closing her legs so she could stand in front of her, and leaned over. she pressed two fingers on her neck, checking her pulse. for the couple seconds she had her fingers there, she couldn't feel a heartbeat.
she stood up straight, looking at the table behind her to see a pill bottle. she shook her head, quickly shaking her moms legs.
she knew finding her mom dead would be some serious trauma, and hoped that she had just put her fingers on the wrong spot.
panic set in when her mom wasn't waking up, and quickly grabbed her face, shaking his back and forth while shouting for her to wake up.
suddenly, her mom sat up with a gasp. liani quickly moved back, a loud sigh leaving her mouth. as much as liani had hatred for her mom for putting her hands on her, she didn't want to find her dead.
her mom wiped her face, "hey- hey, what?"
liani shook her head, "i was just making sure you was alive." she pointed towards the pills on the table, already making her way to the front door again.
"hey, hey, wait... please." her mom called out, standing to her feet.
liani turned, "what?"
"can we... can i talk to you, please?" her mom breathed, gripping onto the back of the couch so she didn't loose her balance.
"i'm about to leave, can it wait?" liani asked.
her mom nodded slowly, "yeah, i just.. no, yeah, it can wait."
liani nodded, her head twisting the door handle again but stopping in her tracks after a second. she thought about the panic she just had when she thought her mom was dead, and turned around. "fuck it." she whispered to herself, pushing the door back closed and walking back to the couch.
her mom turned, watching liani throw herself down next to her. a small smile came to her face. liani pulled her lips into a thin line, nodding her head as she waited for her mom to start talking.
"i'm really sorry, for... hitting you." her mom spoke.
liani was surprised that her mom had actually admitted that she hit her, and turned to her.
"i had no right. i was.. fucked up, i didn't know what i was doing. that's why i've been home, i'm trying to get better,"
this is that drug addict talk i was talking about, about trying to get better or wanting to.
"it's just not easy. but i want you to know that i really am sorry." her mom finally turned to look at liani, "and i understand that you hate me, but i want to her better. and if- when, i do, if you still hate me that's fine. but, i want to be your mom, liani. and i'm so sorry i haven't been."
liani didn't know what to say, so she just let her mom keep talking.
"um, i know you're about to leave but when you get back would you like to like, watch a movie or something?" her mom asked.
liani tapped her fingers on her lap, a sigh leaving her mouth. "uh, yeah, we can just watch it right now."
her mom smiled, "thank you. ill- i'll go get popcorn."
liani nodded, watching her get up and walk over to the kitchen. her eyes moved back over to the pills in front of her, she ran her tongue over her teeth as she glanced back at her mom, before she grabbed the pill bottle. she poured out one pill into her palm, grabbing the water bottle that sat next go the pills before, throwing the pill into her mouth and then flushing it down with the water.
