Take Me By The Hand

The Kids Aren't Alright

"Are we almost done?" I fidget again on the uncomfortable bed. My stomach is fluttering with life and caffeine, having downed about a gallon of coffee before the ultrasound. Ray suggested doing so since it would make the kids restless and we'd be able to see them actually move. And I could see the little gray and black and white lines shimmering on the monitor's screen as the twins flitted around, but I could also feel the coffee beginning to weigh heavy on my bladder.

"Just getting some measurements," Bob replies. He's moving the probe around on my stomach, pressing down and making the urge to pee even stronger. I wonder if he would hold it against me if I peed on his stolen hospital cot... "Hold still, Frodo."

"I have to piss." I squirm again.

Bob mutters a bit in response, but continues with his business. He reads off a few numbers to Ray, who inputs them into the computer. They talk, communicating with some words I don't understand about "amniotic fluid" and "make sure you check the uterine wall again, I think I saw something."

Eventually, Bob seems satisfied with his measurements. He turns his attention to me and says, "Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

I stop fidgeting. "Bad news?" It feels like my heart sinks. Peeing is the last thing on my mind suddenly. There's something wrong with the twins.

"Not bad news," Ray intervenes calmly. "Just... News." I wait silently. Bob removes the probe from my stomach, tossing me a towel to wipe off the gel. I do, and then sit up. I look over at the two of them. "Everything seems fine," Ray tells me. He flicks a couple of switches on the monitor, the screen going black. "Both babies are healthy. That's the good news. The other news is that they're growing faster." He hands over a list of numbers that makes no sense to me. He points to one column of figures. "This is average growth for twins at seventeen weeks, which is what you are. And this-" He points to the second column. "This is what your twins are measuring at. Right now, they're showing at about twenty-one weeks. They're weighing in at around a pound each, which is normal."

I want to snort and tell him that none of this is normal, but I'm more focused on his measurements instead. "They're only a pound each?" Ray nods. I frown. "What the hell? I've gained like thirty fucking pounds, how are they only a pound each?"

Ray chuckles. "Not all of the weight you gain goes directly to the babies," He explains. "Some of it is held as fat, or amniotic fluid-"

The mention of fluid has me remembering my swollen bladder and the urge to pee is back. I groan and stumble off the bed, moving as fast as I can to the bathroom. At least it isn't morning sickness, I remind myself.

When I come out of the bathroom, Ray and Bob have finished cleaning up the makeshift hospital room. The monitors and computers are pushed along the far wall once again and the middle of the floor is bare. In the main room, I find Ray looking over figures collected from the ultrasound. When he sees me, he holds out a new sonogram. "I figured you might want another," He says with a smile. He points to a white area on the left, what I recognize now as a head. "The girl," He tells me. And then he moves his finger to the head on the right. "And the boy. They're coming along fast. Have you decided on names yet?"

I frown, shaking my head. "No," I admit. "Nothing seems good enough for them."

"You should ask Gerard," Ray suggests. "He named my pet ferret when we were kids."

"Oh yeah?" I want to ask more about the ferret, but decide that is probably not the point. "What did he name it?"

"Ferret Bueller." Ray frowns. "Okay, the name was horrible, but we thought it was hilarious at the time. Maybe you should ask Mikey for help instead."

I laugh. "Maybe I'll wait until the kids are born," I decide. "When they're like thirty, they can pick their own names."

Ray nods, his hair bouncing along in agreement. "I hope that works for you. We can just call them "Hey You" and "No, the other twin" until they choose their names."

I nod, too. "Exactly."

Two hours later, Gerard and I have taken up refuge on the couch in what I consider now to be our shared apartment. I sit at one end of the sofa, my legs strewn across the length of the middle cushion to rest my feet in Gerard's lap, where he sits at the other end. I wring a water bottle in my hands, my head back. Gerard holds the dreaded baby name book, flipping through every so often to different pages.

"Teagan. Tegwen. Temperance." Gerard's voice is monotone by now and he doesn't even pause to allow me time to express my distaste for every name in turn. It's pointless, I've decided. The name book is no more helpful than before. We would be just as well off to try pulling names out of a hat. I take a drink of my water and then screw the cap back on, dropping it onto the floor. I let my hands come to rest on my stomach, rubbing in circles atop the fitted black Tshirt. "Tenley. Tequila. Teri..."

"Try a different letter," I command. The T's are getting us nowhere and the redundant beginning sound is starting to echo obnoxiously in my ears.

Gerard hums quietly and flips the book shut, opening it again on a random page. "Lavender. Layla. Leah..."

I groan, letting my head fall back again. I feel Gerard's reassuring touch on my leg as he runs a few fingers across my calf. "We can take a break," He suggests.

I sit up and shake my head. "Keep going."

Gerard finds a new page. "Eleanor. Electra. Elena." He pauses and looks up then, tilting his head to one side. "Elena is kind of pretty."

I run the name through my head a few times, saying it aloud. "Elena..." I like the way it feels rolling off my tongue, but it doesn't feel quite right. Still, it's better than Diamond. I chew on my lip for a second longer. "Maybe."

Gerard nods. "Elias. Elisha. Eliza..."

I feel a nudge in my stomach, my hand pressed flat against the expanding area. I leap forward instantly, on my knees in a second in front of Gerard. I grab his hand and bring it closer, pushing it to my stomach. Nothing happens for a second, the air filled with only silence, and then the baby kicks again. Gerard's mouth falls open and his eyes meet mine.

I grin. "Did you feel it?"

He seems unable to form words for a minute, just nodding. "Holy shit," He says then, a simple exhale of breath. He looks awed, his eyes gleaming. A smile works it's way onto his face. "I felt them. Holy shit, I felt them."

He looks down at my stomach. My gaze follows his to the bulging belly under my black shirt, his hand resting under my own, his palm settled where the baby just moved. His thumb strokes across the fabric of my shirt, like a little wave in response to the kick. When I look back up to Gerard, his eyes are on mine. He leans in, capturing my lips in a grin-filled kiss. It doesn't last more than a few seconds with us both smiling like idiots and then I'm pulling back.

"Eliza," I repeat. The last name he read off. "Eliza... Lizzie." I gaze down at my stomach. It feels right, it feels as though she had been kicking in response to the name. I couldn't be sure it was even her kicking, or if maybe it had been the boy instead, but when I meet Gerard's eyes, something about it just feels right. "That's the one. Her name. Eliza."

"Lizzie Way," Gerard says. He's nodding slowly. His one hand is still on my stomach, but the other finds my own, his fingers intertwining with mine. He smiles. "It's perfect."