Take Me By The Hand

ffty-svn

"You are huge," is the first thing Donna Way says. I'm lounging back on the couch, the laptop open with Skype set up on the coffee table, and she has a full view of just how large I am.

I grimace, but she's beaming. "How are you feeling?"

"Shitty," I admit. I rub circles on my stomach with one hand. "It's like everything hurts right now. I'm exhausted, and I haven't done a single thing."

Donna nods sympathetically. "Yeah, I understand that feeling." And as someone who's been pregnant twice, I'm sure she does.

"Gerard tries to understand," I tell her. "But he just doesn't get it. Not really. Nobody does. They grasp the medical part of it, but none of them know how it actually feels."

Donna hums softly, a smile playing on her lips. "How is everything with Gerard?"

I shrug. "He's been really great. He's helping Bob and Ray get everything ready for the delivery. He's like a mother hen. He's freaking out, trying to make sure nothing goes wrong."

"That's not exactly what I mean." Donna narrows her eyes suspiciously. "I mean, how are you and Gerard?"

I bite my tongue, frowning, and offer another stiff shrug. "We get along."

"Oh, cut the bullshit, Frank. I know you're sleeping together." She's grinning.

I roll my eyes. "Your Gerard's mom. I don't think he wants me telling you about our sex life."

Donna waves a hand dismissively. "Mikey's told me all I care to know about your sex life," She says. "I want to know how you feel. Are you happy, Frank?"

After a slight hesitation, I nod. "I'm happy," I say. "Gerard is amazing. He loves me, he loves the twins. He's perfect."

Donna frowns. "You don't sound happy," She accuses, but her voice is still soft. Warm and comforting. Motherly.

"I'm scared," I admit. Then sigh. "The odds of me surviving this are pretty much fifty-fifty. And if I die, then what? What happens to Gerard? Fuck, I feel like I'm using him. I'm indulging in what we both want right now, but what if this is worse for him in the long run? Knowing what it's like to have me, only to have it ripped away?"

"Frank, sweetheart," Donna smiles sadly. "First of all, you are not going to die. Stop thinking like that. You have five people there who are going to do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen. And secondly, I know what love feels like. It's worth every moment, even if there's not a happy ending. Because it's about the journey, about the things you feel now. And right now, he loves you. If he thinks he might lose you, it's only more of a reason to be with you while he can. Even if it might hurt in the end."

I sniffle, biting down on my quivering lip. "I don't want to hurt him."

"You won't. I know you won't, because you love him, too."

I nod. "Yeah, I do."

"You'll be glad to know, everything has calmed down back here," she informs me. "There are still a couple amateur reporters trying to catch a story, but you are old news. Doctor Webb is being brushed off as a fraud. He was fired for allegedly faking your test results. Almost everyone has forgotten about the pregnant man."

"What about my parents?" It's a question I've dreaded asking, but it's eating at me. I need to know. "How are they?"

Donna shakes her head, shrugging uncertainly. "I don't speak to them anymore," She admits. "I've seen your mother at the grocery store a couple times, but we didn't talk. She seems shut-off. Like there's a box around her. She looked sad."

The idea that losing me has saddened my mom should make me happy; it's what I wanted. I wanted my parents to feel just as abandoned as I did. But hearing it now, it makes my heart hurt and a lump rise in my throat.

Thankfully, Donna uses my silence to change topics again. "How far along are you now? When Mikey said your pregnancy was accelerated, I didn't realize he meant quite so fast."

"Yeah," I snort. "Practically overnight, I blew up like a fucking balloon. Bob says the twins are at about thirty-four weeks growth. But I've only actually been pregnant for five months. Weird, right? But who knows. I mean, I set the precedent for this, so who the hell even knows what's normal in this case?"

I suck in a sharp breath when one of the twins kicks particularly hard.

Donna's brow immediately furrows in a frown. "You alright?"

"Yeah," I wave her off. "Yeah, I'm fine. They're just moving around is all."

A cramp settles in my stomach and my face twists in discomfort.

"I know that look," Donna says. "Cramps?"

I nod, grimacing.

"Go lie down," She tells me. "Drink some water. Sleep. You'll feel better."

I don't feel in the mood to argue, so I tell her goodbye, promising to call back again soon, and sign off. It's when I stand from the couch that I feel the wetness. All over. My sweatpants are soaked, the couch absolutely ruined. A nauseous feeling washes over me. I stumble forward only a step or two before the pain shoots through me.

I gasp, unable to do more than merely hold myself up. It's in my stomach, my gut. I think I might throw up. I take in a shaky breath. "MIKEY!"

More pain. I squeeze my eyes shut, willing it to subside, but it's like a swarm of bees buzzing in my ears. My nails dig into my palms as I try to physically hold the pain back. It doesn't help. I hear a sob, realizing it's my own. I yell again. "MIKEY!"

The apartment door crashes open and I recognize the voices around me, but my head is muddled, fuzzy. Everything seems far away. "It hurts," I cry. I'm gripping someone's hand, unsure who it belongs to.

"Frankie!" I pinpoint Gerard's voice. "Frankie, we're gonna get you to Bob, okay? What happened?"

I vaguely notice that they're holding me up. Bert is on one side, Gerard on the other, and they're practically dragging me down the hall.

I try to focus, but fail. The sudden pain is overwhelming. I hear screaming that sounds too far away to be mine, but it is. It's a strangled cry I barely recognize as my own.

There's movement and shouting around me, but nothing seems distinct. My breathing is hard, rugged and shaky, and underneath the waves of pain my stomach feels sick. They deposit me on the hospital cot and Ray lifts my eyelids, shining a light into my eyes. When he lets go, my head lolls to one side and I watch as Bob sticks a needle in my arm. Someone cuts my shirt and tosses the clothing aside.

Gerard's hand slides into my own and he brushes some hair out of my face. His bright eyes look down at me. "It's gonna be okay," He promises, and his voice sounds clear in the panic around us.

I try to reply, but the pain is starting to dull, numbness taking it's place. I can't make my lips move, I can't tell Gerard one last time that I love him. It's like being pulled underwater, the surface above getting muddier and murkier, blurring until there's nothing but blackness surrounding me.

Everything goes dark, and finally the pain goes away.