Take Me By The Hand

Capitolo Quindici

I pace the sidewalk outside of the school. I politely declined a ride from Gerard, not trusting myself to face him just yet about the rumor, but leaving myself with no way home but walking. Zacky had left early and I had already missed the bus, but I didn't mind really. The late April air seems to probe the uncovered bits of my skin with the lingering chill of Winter, but the sun hits it just as quick, warming it back to a comfortable temperature. The grass seems dead, mud forming in place where the snow has melted and the plants haven't yet started budding. I prod a section of the visible earth, pressing the cell phone even closer to my ear. It rings. And rings. And rings some more. The shrill noise seems unending and I sigh irritably. Finally the familiar mechanic voice takes its place and I groan into the speaker, punching the end call button and not bothering to leave a message. I quickly slide the phone open, exposing the keypad and typing a text to Zacky. 

Call me. Need to talk.

This is the second message and third phone call since lunch and still no response. I take a deep breath and give up for now, shoving the phone back into my pocket. I pick up my speed, my feet carrying me away from the school and down the unevenly paved sidewalk.

I feel like a horrible person. I shouldn't be cancelling on Zacky, but I want so badly to make sure things are okay between me and Josh. And at least I'm not so much of a jackass that I'm ditching him via text message. I have the balls to at least say it over the phone.

Okay, I'm kind of a coward and don't want to tell him to his face that I'm skipping out on this so called present he has for me. And my nerves only amplify when I'm about a block from my house and the phone in my pocket goes off, breaking into my thoughts and actually making me jump. I pull it out and bite my lip, pressing the small device to my ear.

"Hey, Zacky," I answer, hesitantly.

"I got your text. What's up?" His voice is casual and relaxed and I let my head fall forward in guilt of what I am about to say.

"I can't make it tonight."

Silence...

For a long second I think he's hung up, but I can hear his even breathing on the other end though he says nothing. Eventually I swallow and push the words out of my mouth in a rush. "Look, I really want to come, but I talked to Mikey and he thinks I should go see Josh tonight and I feel like I have to since-- in case you forgot-- I punched him in the face and --"

I'm cut off by Zacky's dry laughter. "Yeah, whatever." He mutters, the annoyance clear in his voice.

I've stopped walking, everything seeming to cease when I answered the phone. I rub the bride of my nose between two fingers and sigh. "Look, I know you're mad. I'm sorry, but --"

"Like I said, it's whatever." Zacky cuts me off again and this time I look up, narrowing my eyes into a glare though I can't actually see him.

"Would you just let me fucking explain?" I ask, anger lacing it's way into my own words. "I have to go see Josh. I don't know why you're so upset about this. I mean, this present you keep promising is kind of short notice, if you think about it. I have friends, you know? I can't always have time for just you."

"Wow," Zacky laughs again and I can imagine him running a hand through his short hair. "Fine. Go see your friends. I don't fucking care."

And then he hangs up.

I'm left staring at my phone with a shocked and somewhat bewildered expression. Well, that did not go how I had planned. I knew that he wouldn't be happy about my change of plans but... What the hell was that!? I shake my head and find myself storming the last few yards to my house, throwing the front door open, grateful that no one is home yet, and stomping up the stairs to my bedroom. I slam that door, too, just for good measure. I feel like a tantrumming three year old, but I don't care. I stand there in the middle of my room, fuming and glaring at the empty space between myself and the poster covered wall. Then I shrug off my jacket and throw it as hard as I can manage at the wall, which is quite complicated since it ends up tangled around one of my arms and just falls limply to the messy carpet. So I kick it, sending the ball of cloth flying across the room and nearly knocking the lamp off my cluttered desk. I sigh, feeling childish. My breathing is shallower now and the skin between my eyes in crinkled into a knot.