Take Me By The Hand

It Just Doesn't Feel Right

My stomach churns, seeming to physically flip over, because suddenly I'm spewing it's contents all over the ground at Zacky's feet. I see him jump back, surprised, bumping into Synyster in the process. The simple contact has my stomach flipping again and I cough up some dry heaves before finally wiping the back of my hand across my mouth. I'm doubled over for a long moment, just staring at the mess I've made on the Baker's welcome mat. I don't want to look at either of them. I feel disgusting and disgusted all at once. My breathing is uneven and when I finally straighten up to face the pair my skull begins spinning, throbbing, and I get light headed. I stumble a little and grab onto the doorframe just to keep myself upright. I feel drunk all of a sudden and it's too much.

"Umm..." Synyster has a grossed out look on his face, Zacky's expression is a mirror of the repulsion, and it hurts me just to see it on his beautiful features-- The features I've spent so long tracing in my mind, studying the line of his jaw or the curve of his lips, and now he's disgusted by me. His brow is furrowed and his lips are twisted into a grimace as he glances between me and the excrement. Synyster places a single hand on Zacky's shoulder, squeezing ever so slightly, but just the minute movement has my stomach wrenching again. I manage to hold back the vomit this time, though. "I should probably go." He steps carefully over the mess and past me. I don't stop him. In all honesty, I want to punch him very hard in the dick, but I refrain, focusing on Zacky instead.

Josh was right. Zacky is cheating on me. 

I simply stare at him for a long time. Tears sting in my eyes and twice I have to rub my sleeve across my face, chasing the salty liquid away. I can't cry. I need to be furious right now, not sad. Where is my damn fury!? I suppose I left it back with Josh when I flipped him off and stormed out of the house... But I can't think about that right now. Right now, all I can think about is Zacky being with him. I can just imagine his hands, the hands that have touched me, grabbing Synyster in the same ways-- Groping, grinding, feeling. God, am I gonna be sick again?

He doesn't say anything and eventually I find my only reaction to his silence is a limp shrug. "Have you--" I try to speak but my words come out choked and pathetic. I sigh, breathing in a shallow amount of air before trying again. "Are you screwing him, Zacky?"

Well. That was blunt. Well done, Frank.

Zacky scoffs, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms. He shakes his head and his initial shock from seeing me-- and my puke-- is gone. His irritation from earlier is back, though. "Come on." It's a simple statement and his voice is still thick with annoyance, but he wraps his hand around my wrist and pulls me into the house, shutting the door behind me. I want to argue, I want so badly to be defiant and demand that he tell me right now if he's been sleeping with Synyster, but I feel helpless. His touch sends a warmth through my body and I allow myself to be pulled up the stairs.

As soon as we reach his room, my stomach seems to flip again and my original question is brought back to the forefront of my mind. My eyes first land on the mess of tangles blankets on the familiar mattress, strewn out and even falling off the bed. Once more, the image of Synyster and Zacky together haunts me and I rip my arm out of Zacky's grasp, spinning to face him. I hug my arms tightly across my chest and sniffle. "You're fucking him," I accuse. It's not even a question anymore. I seem to have found my anger and it was flaring up faster than a hooker's herpes. But just as quickly, the animosity turned into realization that I am an idiot. "I can't believe I actually trusted you. You bitch! I can't even--"

My words are cut off immediately when Zacky presses his hand to my mouth, successfully shutting me up. I settle with biting my lip and glaring at him. "Are you done?" He asks. More glaring. By this point, I'm trying to kill him just with my scowl. But he looks annoyed, not dead or even wounded. He sighs, letting go of me and running his hand through his hair instead. "I'm not having sex with Synyster Gates."