Take Me By The Hand

58

The sound comes back to me before anything else. It's like a dream. My body feels light, weightless even, like I'm nothing but a soul floating around above the ground. But I can hear voices, distant and muffled. I can't tell who they are, much less distinguish any words. Closer, I hear the faint sound of a machine.

Beep... beep...beep...

I try to focus on the sound, following it in my mind. It takes me a moment to place; a heart monitor. My heart. I feel the clip on my finger, the wires against my arm. My hand twitches where it rests at my side.

"Frank?"

The voice is closer now. I still can't place it. I blink slowly, my eyes feeling sore and dry, but recognize Ray standing near my feet.

I can only huff in response, but Ray's face breaks into a grin. "You're awake. Holy shit, you're awake." He looks relieved, tired, and ecstatic. "You've been out for almost three days. We weren't even sure if you would--" His smile falters, and he shakes his head, derailing that train of thought. "You're awake, though. You're alive. Sit tight, I need to get Bob."

I start to protest, but it fades off into nothing more than a groan.

By the time Ray and Bob return only a few minutes later, I feel more awake. I've managed to sit up. My stomach is nearly flat under the blankets, but I don't have the courage to lift the covers. There's an oxygen mask on my face, which I take off and set aside.

"The twins," I say as soon as Ray and Bob enter the room. My voice cracks and my throat hurts. "They're okay?"

Bob hands me a bottle of water, telling me to drink. "They're fine," He smiles. "Both of them. I want to make sure you're healing up alright, but then you can go see them."

I breath out slowly, relief flooding me. The babies are okay. They're alive. They're safe. They're okay.

Ray takes my vitals, which he tells me are normal, and then Bob makes me lie back down on the cot. He changes the bandage over the stitches and looks impressed when he says, "Everything seems great, Frodo. You're healing up really well. It's probably all those extra chromosomes, just like the accelerated pregnancy; You're like superhuman or some shit." He turns to Ray, looking amused. "Do you think if we cut his arm off, it would just grow back?"

Ray rolls his eyes. "We're not testing that theory."

When they're finished checking me over, Ray helps me stand. My legs are shaky, but stable, and he lets me lean on him for support as I walk.

The room with the babies' crib is dark, lit only by a small giraffe lamp in the corner. My eyes immediately land on Gerard. He's standing near the crib, bouncing gently, softly singing Pink Floyd to the baby bundled in his arms. My heart skips at the sight and I lean against the doorframe.

Gerard stops when he sees me. His mouth falls open and he eyes glaze over. In two strides, he's in front of me. He clutches the baby to his chest with one arm and wraps the other around me. His lips slot perfectly against mine. There's a wetness on my cheeks and when he pulls back, I realize he's crying. He breathes slowly. In that moment, there's so much I want to say, everything I thought I would never have the chance to say again. I want to tell him I love him, thank him for loving us in return, but in the end he just smiles softly. We don't have to say anything.

Gerard leads me to the rocking chair, sitting me down before kneeling next to me. He carefully puts the baby in my arms. Big eyes stare up at us, taking in the brand new world around them. "Lizzie," Gerard says.

"She's real." It's amazing to me, in a way. The pregnancy was one impossible happening, but to actually hold a real life baby in my arms, a life I created and carried, it's something else entirely. Surreal. Mesmerizing. "She's perfect."

"She's not the only one." I look up at the sound of Mikey's voice to see him standing in the doorway. He's holding a bottle to the orange blanket in his arms. "You want to meet your son?"

My throat goes tight at the sound of that. My son. My daughter. My babies. I sniffle, managing a nod.

Gerard takes Lizzie back when Elliott takes her place. He looks almost exactly like his sister, blinking up with curious eyes. His mouth moves, opening and shutting, searching for the bottle. I place it to his lips and he grunts in contentment.

"I don't want to yell in front of the babies," Mikey says in a soft voice. He wipes a hand across his eyes and sits on the floor next to me, wrapping his arms around my legs. "But trust me, I am going to yell at you later. That stupid fucking note you gave me."

Oh, right. The letter I gave Mikey. The one he was supposed to read if I died.

"I'm sorry, Mikes." I want to hug him, but my hands are full of baby so I nudge him with my leg instead. He tightens his hold on me. Gerard leans against me as well.

"You scared us," Gerard admits. Lizzie's got her little fist wrapped around his index finger. He doesn't look at me. "I thought you were dead."

Mikey's body is shaking. Trembling. I slide out of the chair, sitting between them on the floor. Elliott finishes his bottle and I put him against my shoulder, trying to remember how Bert taught us. Eventually the babies fall asleep and Mikey helps me move them into the crib. I stand at the side, watching them sleep. This is my life now. These two small humans, the two men next to me, and the ones elsewhere in the apartment. This is my family.

I turn to Gerard and wrap my arms around him. With my nose buried in his neck, I allow myself to cry. It's not sadness that fills me this time, it's something new, something bigger. "I love you," Gerard whispers.

It's relief, the ability to finally breathe, to relax, to let myself stop worrying. I'm not thinking about Zacky or my parents or Doctor Webb right now. I'm thinking about Gerard. About Lizzie and Eli.

"I love you, too."

And with those words, I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. All of the past just falling away. This is my present, my future, and everything beyond. It's the start of a brand new life for all of us.

"Do you remember when you said that you'll be here, for as long as I want you?"

Gerard hums, nodding against my neck. "Yeah, I remember."

"What if I said forever?"

Gerard chuckles, twisting his fingers through mine. "Forever's a long time. You sure you're ready for that kind of commitment?"

"No," I admit. I lean back to look in his eyes. "Hell, I'm only sixteen. Lord knows I have have enough emotional baggage to fill a Greyhound, not to mention I'm a single dad with two newborns. But I am in love with you. And right now, spending forever with you seems pretty fucking appealing to me."

Gerard smiles, leaning forward to kiss me slowly. "Forever," He agrees. He looks down at the twins, still sleeping soundly in their new crib. "I think that sounds pretty fucking appealing to me, too."