Take Me By The Hand

Twenty.Seven ツ

I can't stay still. Waiting in Zacky's driveway is driving me crazy. The tension, the panic, the terror; It all swirls in one massive emotion in my stomach and I need to move. It's been a whole three minutes since I've called Gerard to come pick me up, but the waiting is making me sweat. I can't even imagine what the two hour drive to Atlantic City will hold.

I absently step forward a few steps, my eyes on the ashy colored pavement beneath my feet. But what begins as pacing quickly turns into a walk as I move away from Zacky's house and down the sidewalk. I keep my eyes cast down, my mind more focused on what lies ahead within the next few hours rather than where I'm actually going at this moment. The sudden hand on my shoulder surprises me and I jump away from the contact, spinning on my heels as my breath catches. I sigh in relief when I see Gerard, though his features are etched with concern. "Are you planning on walking to Atlantic City?" He wonders. I look around at my surroundings and realize I've wandered quite far from Zacky's house.

I shake my head and mumble a sorry. "I didn't mean to-- I was just..." I shrug. "I was just walking. I didn't want to stay there."

Gerard frowns, nodding slowly regardless, and places his hand on my arm. This time, I don't jerk away. I allow myself to be led to the car parked on the side of the road, still running idly. I climb into the passengers seat, pulling the belt across me and closing my eyes. It's silent for a moment as Gerard joins me and the car pulls away from the curb. But the silence becomes too much soon and Gerard's voice fills it. "Did something happen?" He asks in a soft voice. "Between you and Zacky?"

I shrug again, not bothering to open my eyes. I like the dark that I see. It takes me away from the shit that's going on right in front of me. "He didn't say anything," I admit. I hear the sadness lacing through my own words, the tears threatening to come forth. "I told him everything-- About the pregnancy tests and the cancer and he was there when Doctor Webb called me. And he just... He acted like he didn't even care." I manage to open my eyes to slits, looking at Gerard through the tear stained vision. I wipe a hand across my nose and sniffle in a very attractive manner. "He barely even looked at me. When I got the phone call, he just watched me leave."

Gerard bites his lip, glancing sympathetically at me. I can tell he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. What is supposed to say right now? I'm sorry? It's not his fault, and he knows that. Before he can respond, though, my phone makes it's presence in my pocket known and I pull it out. Zacky.

I answer the call and press the phone to my ear. "What?"

"Babe--" Zacky starts and I flinch against the concern that now sounds in his voice. "Where did you go?"

"Atlantic City," I say. "The doctor called me and I got the results. You were sitting right there, dumbass."

"I know," Zacky sighs. "I heard. I could have given you a ride--"

"Gerard's got it covered," I reply in a harsh tone. "Don't worry. You can go back to not caring."

"You think I don't care?" His voice has a hard edge to it this time and I can imagine the way his jaw clenches. "Why the hell would you think I don't care? My boyfriend might have cancer for fuck's sake. I care."

I laugh humorlessly and roll my eyes. I shift in the seat and move my gaze to glare out the window. "It sure seemed like it," I say, laying the sarcasm on thick. "The way you acted like a fucking zombie when I realized the results are positive."

Zacky sighs again on the other end and his voice drops lower, barely a whisper over the line. "I didn't know what to say," He admits. "How am I supposed to react to that? I was scared."

"You were scared?" I laugh again, incredulous. "Did it occur to you that I'm fucking terrified?" I shake my head, very aware that he can't see me. "I can't deal with this right now, Zacky. I'm on my way to see the doctor and find out everything for sure."