ODE TO THE MURDERED, bonten

46

PART FOURTY-SIX !
you and i against the world.

            THE MEDICINE WEIGHED HEAVY IN your palm. with your other free hand you slowly reach for the glass, its translucency mirror the exhaustion in your eyes.

they're narrowed, dulled, with dark bags forming beneath it as you tipped the glass away from your dysmorphic reflection, you feel his quiet breaths at your bedside, almost as if he is scared to make a sound while you swallow the medication.

"you don't need to be present for this all the time. i'm not a child, i don't need supervision." a tentative pause. "and i'll take it, the pills."

Kokonoi clears his throat, leans back in his seat. "yeah, well. supervising you is one thing but i'm also here to—"

"to watch me in case i go behind Bonten's back?" you finish softly for him. Kokonoi cannot help but frown at your depreciating response. there's bitterness in his chest at your reply, like you firmly believed that they distrust you.

"i'm checking just in case the side effects of your multiple medication doesn't affect you too much, that and to make sure you aren't being an idiot and end up killing yourself." he corrects.

"lucky me." you smile, a polar expression from his frowning ones.

the ire you had held for Mikey and everyone else had long but burnt to ashes, leaving behind a smoldering husk of exhaustion. you're just really tired at this point.

you turn away from him. "this..." your eyes gesture your room, the bed, the bottle of pills at your bedside, "this doesn't feel like living, either. don't you think so too?"

    Kokonoi jolts at your statements, he's tongue-tied and avoids your gaze, "Mikey's just trying to protect you."

you look at him.

you don't seem convinced.

neither of you were.

in your head, there were clashing opinions, clashing perspectives, a war of the inner mind peruses its arguments; stay inside you'll be safer here. aren't you treating me like a caged animal? but you'll get hurt. this isn't any better than being dead. i don't want to see you hurt—this isn't living.

you shake your head, pop the pills in your mouth, tilting your head back to chug the water. then the empty glass hits your bedside table with an audible slam,

"not caring about me would have made things easier for everyone."

Kokonoi clenches his jaw then rises from his seat. "no. it damn won't."

his fists are clenched. "the day you stop talking like that is the day i will finally have some peace of mind. take a rest, i'll see you soon." he doesn't turn back to look at you, rolling the jewelry around his ring finger to ease himself as he slips out of your room.

Kokonoi leans against the door when it shuts, letting out a shaky exhale. "for gods sake."

"what did she take today?" the white-haired turns his head and sees the Haitani brothers idling by the corridor. looks like they got back earlier.