wish // 5SOS

23

Calum

"These ones look nice,"

"Yeah,"

"Mhm,"

"Mads, have you seen ones you want though?" Gabi asked, putting her arm round her.

"I dunno,"

"I have an idea," Charlie said, "Why don't you get a really bright plant. One that is gonna stand out. Maybe pink? Or yellow? I think yellow would stand out in your garden,"

"Yeah," Maddox said, smiling a little, "You pick,"

"It should be you,"

"Help me though,"

"Gabi can help,"

Quietly, they both went a little more ahead, so Charlie and I waited for them to pick a plant, then they came back and put it in the basket. I had picked up a few bits as we had gone round, but this was the final stop.

"What do you think?"

"I think that is a good choice," I said, "Shall we pay and grab some food?"

"I am not hungry,"

"I'll let you skip straight to the cake, Mads,"

"Okay. Yeah,"

"Can I skip straight to the cake?"

"And me?"

"No. You two both need a proper lunch before cake,"

"I am actually an adult,"

"And I am paying,"

"And right now my doctor," Gabi grumbled, but still leant her head into my side briefly.

Once I had bought everything, we went to the cafe and I got us sandwiches, and Mads a cake. Her eyes had huge bags, she had a glum expression, and her hair was not the usual perfection-it was far from it.

Gabi and Charlie were busy chatting, so I ate my lunch, gently rubbing Maddox's back. Once the girls had finished their food, I gave them money for cakes, and they had smiles on their faces. Chocolate too.

"Shall we go and plant this?"

"Okay,"

"Come on, sweetheart," I said, "Let's get you home,"

I held Maddox's hand as we left, gently rubbing circles on it, then she sat in the front with me on the way back to their house. Her and Gabi decided to plant it on their own, so I brewed some tea and sat with Charlie.
While she was definitely worried, she seemed to have rather enjoyed going to a garden centre and asked to help me plant my plants, to which I obviously said yes.

After about half an hour, Gabi came back inside, asking me to go and see Maddox. She was still sat by the new plant, so I walked to the end of the garden, and sat beside her. Her eyes moved to me without her head turning, then went back to the plant and she shut them. I decided to stay silent until she broke it.

"I really thought they got it wrong about me probably not managing the pregnancy,"

"I am so sorry, darling,"

"I feel so stupid for being so hopeful, and I feel like my body is useless,"

"You were not stupid for being hopeful, and you are not useless. You and Gabi are going to be amazing parents one day, and you had every right to be hopeful it was happening now,"

"I wanna be a mum now. We just wanna be mums,"

"I know, sweetheart, I know,"

"And neither of our bodies want that," she said, her voice wobbling, "I was our one shot and I let us down,"

"You have not let anyone down, especially not Gabi. Her top priority will always be that her wife is healthy, and I know that is your priority for her too. You are both disappointed, but it should not be with you!"

"What if I did something though?"

"You will not have. Unfortunately there was lots of risks and odds involved in IVF,"

"I just wanna be a mum,"

"Come here," I said, hugging her as she leant into me, "You will be. I mean, look at me! Almost fifty, and even I am someone's grown up now. You two have so much time,"

"But I wanna be a mum now,"

She sobbed, and I rubbed her back, gently kissing her head.

"Maybe give yourself some time to heal, and decide what you and Gabi want to do,"

"We wanna be mums,"

I left it at that, because her words were all slurred, and instead hugged her until she calmed down. Eventually, she did, and I stroked my fingers through her hair as she sat staring at the plant.

"I think I wanna hang with Gabi for a bit,"

"Okay, we will leave ya. Michael is hosting later if you fancy coming round,"

"Thank you for doing this,"

"Of course. I love you, and I hope you feel better soon. However you feel is okay, I don't want you feeling guilty for anything, especially not your feelings,"

"I love you too,"

I helped her up and took her back inside, beckoning Charlie to come with me. She said goodbye to them both and we got in the car, ready to go to Michael's.

"I feel so upset that they are upset,"

"I know, it's a difficult thing to process. They will be okay,"

"If I wasn't so pregnant maybe they could have my babies. They would definitely give them a very rich life,"

"Well that is very sweet of you,"

"They like Gabi a lot. She talks to them,"

"That's nice of her! I am glad you all get along,"

"Is Ally gonna be there tonight?"

"I don't know. Everyone is invited though,"

When we got there, we knocked on the door and Crystal answered, offering us drinks. Her friendliness seemed to stun Charlie, and she stayed silent, so I got her a glass of water.

"This is Crystal. She is Michael's wife! Although, I don't know where he is,"

"In the shower. Make yourself comfy, are you hungry?"

"I am a bit. Sorry Calum,"

"You don't need to be sorry,"

"Okay," she said quietly, "I like your house,"

"Thank you... I will go and tell Mike to hurry up,"

She left the room and Charlie shuffled towards me, resting in my side. Then, I heard quiet sniffles, and wrapped my arm round her. I wasn't sure if she was just overwhelmed and startled, or if something had triggered her, but I didn't need to know that to comfort her.

Michael and Crystal went to the living room when they saw us, so I continued to soothe her to see if she would tell me what was wrong. She didn't unprompted.

"What's up, honey?" I asked.

"It's stupid,"

"I am sure it isn't!"

"This house reminds me of my nanny's,"

"Oh honey. I am sorry this is so difficult lately,"

"I really think she brought me to you,"

"It sounds like it," I said, gently rocking us side to side, "She knew we needed each other!"

"I am really upset for Maddox right now too,"

"Yeah. I am sorry you don't feel great, honey. You can chill here, yeah? Michael has games, why don't you see if he wants to play some and I will help with the cooking instead,"

"I just wanna hug you for a bit. Is that okay?"

"Of course that is okay. That is always gonna be okay,"