wish // 5SOS

33

Charlie

"Good morning Charlie! How was breakfast?" Cleo asked, waltzing into my room.

"Okay,"

"Did you sleep well?"

"I slept okay,"

While she was a ray of sunshine, I was definitely a grey cloud. I felt very confused, and very stressed, and stressed because I felt stressed.

"Well, I just want to talk to you about all those tests we ran yesterday,"

"Calum told me. They are stressed,"

"They are, but we think it is because you are stressed! So, we want to minimise as much stress as we can,"

"I am such a bad mum," I said, my lip trembling, "I am just like my mum,"

"You are not," Calum said, "At all,"

"You are looking after them brilliantly. What I am thinking is we keep you here for a few days, wait on you hand and foot, ay? And you can have a few more chats with that lovely woman to help you feel a bit better,"

"I want to go home,"

"We need to monitor you for a few days, but you can have lots of visitors,"

"Okay,"

"We also need to discuss a date for having your babies, because I think it is going to be much safer to deliver them that way,"

"I can choose their birthday?"

"Well, sort of. I noticed you still haven't decided how you would like to give birth,"

"What do you think?"

"I think that recovering from a c-section is hard, but that it might potentially be the less stressful experience for you. We can talk about our options again this afternoon after you have had a think,"

"There is so much to think about,"

"Gabi and Maddox are going to visit at lunch," Calum said, "We can talk,"

"I think I would really like to just go home,"

"It's only a few days,"

"I wanna go home. Why will you not let me go home?"

"We need to monitor you a little bit longer before I am happy for you to go home. I know this isn't ideal, I am sorry sweetheart,"

"I am going back home, right?"

"Of course you are," Calum said, "Would we be able to go out to the gardens and have a chat?"

"I can get you a wheelchair,"

"I can walk,"

"No," they both said. Calum was being a doctor when he didn't mean to be.

Reluctantly, I got in the wheelchair and Calum took me to the hospital gardens. They were much less impressive than I imagined, and I was cold so he put a blanket on me, which I liked anyway because it covered my bump. It seemed the hospital was actually a pretty judgemental place.

He stopped me at a place in the corner, and helped me onto the bench, wrapping his arm round me tightly. I shut my eyes and wrapped my arms round him too, trying to melt into his body. Originally, it had freaked me out, but I was so grateful lately that he was who I found comfort in.

Staying in hospital was the worst thing I could think of right now, but knowing Calum was going to look after me made it okay. I felt he would probably advocate for me, and that was a relief. Sometimes I felt like I had no voice, and he helped amplify it. All my family listened to me though, that was nice.

"I know it sucks, but you are always gonna have a home to come back to. After this hospital visit, or twenty years down the line,"

"Thank you,"

"That's okay. What have you been thinking about Gabi and Maddox then?"

"I am a bit overwhelmed, still,"

"Yeah. I think that obviously in terms of them having the resources, and the support network, they would be brilliant. However, this is about you and your relationship with the babies. Whether you want that, or would rather find a different family who would do equally as good of a job, but who don't live nearby,"

"I don't know. Will they be mad at me when they grow up?"

"Right now, we can't predict anything. All we can think about is how you are going to feel, because we will make sure they go to a loving and supporting home who will help them process it all when the time comes,"

"I think... I don't know. It might make me really sad if they turn out to be super amazing, even though that's the whole point,"

"Okay,"

"But I would like to watch them grow up. I could go to sports games and stuff,"

"You could!"

"I think I would like Gabi and Maddox to have them, but I feel so afraid now it is all so real,"

"It's gonna be alright. We will all look after you," he said, "And we can lay some thoughts down about your relationship,"

"I wanna be able to see them but, I can't look after them and I am not their parent. I can't do that,"

"You won't have to do any of it,"

"Am I still allowed to love them? I think I will love them a lot,"

"Of course you can, honey,"

"Maybe we should find out the genders?"

"When we are out of here, we could throw a little party. I reckon we might all be in good spirits,"

"I would like that,"

"Good,"

"Can we sit here for a bit?"

"Of course,"

"I think I wanna call everyone my family,"

"They would love that,"

"Thank you, nanny," I whispered, liking to this she could hear me. I felt like she was the only reason I had received the gift of family.

And I was now beginning to think she knew I didn't really want to be too far from my babies, so she found me a family who were ready to look after them too.