wish // 5SOS

31

Charlie

"Easy... easy,"

As soon as I opened my eyes, Michael's met mine, and he gave me a smile.

"You're okay,"

"Where's Calum?"

"Just waiting outside. Stay still, I am trying to tape your IV down,"

The sound of beeping started to become clear, and I looked around, seeing I was on a ward. Immediately, I started to panic again, and the monitor started going crazy.

"Charlieeeeee," he said, laughing quietly, "Don't do that to me. You're okay,"

"Are my babies?"

"I am going to check them in a minute, but I did check your bump, and felt kicking,"

"Can I have a moment to breathe?"

"Yep,"

Once he had stepped away from me, I wiped my eyes and took my surroundings in again, trying to breathe as calmly as possible. It was me, Michael, and a nurse behind the curtain. I was still in my pyjamas. I had an IV in my hand, and oxygen in my nose, and I felt extremely groggy.

"What happened?"

"Apparently you passed out in the hallway,"

"Did I fall?"

"No, you were with Calum,"

"I am a terrible mum,"

"No you are not," he said, carefully moving my tshirt, "I am gonna listen to their heartbeats, and then a bit later on, a midwife will do a better scan,"

Silently, I waited, feeling relieved when I heard both of them.

"Alright. Let's get Calum, I am gonna go and chat to the midwife, and then we can make sure you and babies are well looked after,"

The nurse went and got Calum, and he came in looking more stressed than I probably was. Michael told him what he had done, then left us alone, and I suddenly felt really silly laid here. For someone who had barely ever seen a doctor, I had seen a lot lately, and I felt so guilty like I was using up other peoples resources.

Gently, he brushed my hair out of my face, then kissed my hand and held it, putting a box on my lap.

"Your cake,"

"Thank you,"

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. What happened?"

"You came downstairs and told me you were gonna faint, then you did,"

"Oh. Oh no. I think I remember,"

"Deel breaths," he said, putting my hand on his chest again, "I need to do them too,"

"Gabi and Maddox said they would be parents for the twins,"

"Oh right,"

"And I don't know what to do,"

"I didn't know that conversation was happening... I would've liked to have been there to support you. We can talk about it,"

"I don't know what to do about any of this,"

"Tell me what they said,"

"They said they would be their parents forever, and then I can be part of their life still,"

"Yeah," he said, gently rubbing my cheek as I got upset, "You do not have to agree to anything you don't want to,"

"I do think they would have a really amazing life living there, but what if it makes me think I have made the wrong decision? What if I get sad because they grow up and I am not their mum?"

"If you want to keep your babies then I will help you as much as I can,"

"But I don't,"

"Okay,"

"I think I would love them to have such an amazing family, but this is all too real,"

"It is very real, and very intimidating, but you are doing so, so well,"

"Do you think it is a good idea?"

"I think you are right, that they would have a life surrounded by love, and have everything they need. I think it would be pretty awesome for you to still have a connection. However, it is your decision, and at the end of the day you need to put yourself first,"

"They're gonna think I am so stupid when they grow up. And selfish. I passed them on,"

"I think they will be grateful that you have cared about them so deeply, and chosen to still be part of their life, whilst recognising that you might not have the resources to be the parent you want to be,"

"Will they still let me see my babies?"

"Of course they will," he said, drying my eyes, "And you have the same family as them, so all that support you know babies will get, you are gonna get as well,"

"This is all a bit too much,"

"I know. You are so, so brave,"

"I think my babies would have a really good time there, and Luke will be a good grandad,"

"He will. Let's hope they get better at cooking,"

I laughed a little bit, then held his hand, bringing it up to my cheek.

"Thank you for being the best grown up ever,"

"You are welcome,"

We stayed quiet for a little bit, then he encouraged me to eat the cake so he helped me do that. It was taking ages, and I was getting overwhelmed with all the noise around.

Eventually, someone came and moved my bed up to the maternity ward, then Calum went to get some food. Of course, this was when Cleo decided to come, so she took my blood pressure and my temperature while we waited, then felt my bump which was a bit uncomfortable. There wasn't much room in there for them already.

"Bad timing from me," Calum said, slipping back into the room, "Is everything okay?"

"Charlie's blood pressure is quite high, which is not ideal! We are gonna run some tests and the night shift workers will take over and look after you,"

"Alright. I will ask if someone can bring us some things,"

"I passed out because I got upset,"

"Yeah. Your blood pressure might be high from stress, but we are gonna do some bloodwork, a urine sample, and an ultrasound,"

"I am a terrible mum," I said, my lip trembling, "I am awful,"

"No you are not. None of my mums get to talk about themselves like that! You are doing a great job, and whatever is wrong, we will have the medicine to fix it,"

"I have had a really difficult week,"

"I am sorry to hear that, sweetheart. Do you think you would like to chat to someone about it? Sometimes being pregnant is so overwhelming!"

"I feel stupid,"

"It is not stupid at all. I tell you what, let's do these tests, then Calum can run home and get you some bits, and you can chat with someone while he is gone,"

"Okay,"

"You are in great hands," she said, "You are not to worry! Plus, you have a pretty awesome grown up,"