wish // 5SOS

24

Charlie

"Hello, hello!"

"Is Ally here?" I asked, recognising Ashton's voice.

"Unfortunately not. Just me and Axel,"

"Oh,"

I had been sat with Calum with my eyes shut on his side, listening to him talk to Luke and Michael. Luke was pretty down, I had gathered.

"Why don't you and Ax go and play some games?" Calum said.

"I don't wanna,"

"Go onnnn, it'll be fun,"

I stood up, and Ashton took my spot, so I followed Axel, sitting beside him in a different room. I was exhausted, and couldn't stop yawning.

Today has been long. Emotionally, I was shattered and full of anxiety. I felt so guilty that I didn't even want to be pregnant and they so badly did, and got the best healthcare and it still didn't work out, meanwhile I hadn't even seen a doctor. They were some of the nicest people I had ever met, and I had met a lot of people. Nothing in life seemed fair.
Physically, I felt a bit crap still. I was bunged up, and the babies were mad about it all.

Axel turned the tv on and put a blanket over me, then let me lean on his side, his arm round my shoulder. My brother was a bit shit, so it was nice to have someone a bit similar, but who was actually nice.

"You don't sound too well!"

"I'm not,"

"Want me to make you a hot chocolate?"

"Will Michael let you?"

"Of course. His house is ours. Choose a movie,"

Once he had left the room, I scrolled through the collection and chose one, then waited for him to come back. He came with two hot chocolates, and a huge bag of crisps tucked under his chin, handing me the mug.

"Is Ally with her boyfriend?"

"Yep,"

"Idiot,"

"Careful now, she's my sister,"

"And she is an idiot,"

"Look. I hate that boy too, trust me. However, without saying too much, some of the things we went through might be altering her ability to judge a situation, and talk about a situation. We have to be patient, and be there for her when she is ready. If he upsets her, he love bombs her, and believe me when I tell you, all she wants is to be loved,"

"But I think he hurts her,"

"I know," he said quietly, "But it is a complex situation and my dad is working behind the scenes. It isn't as easy as just telling the police,"

"Yeah... okay. I get worried,"

"Me too,"

"She is lucky to have such a caring brother,"

"She is my best friend in the whole world. My only friend for a while," he laughed, "So did you ever live with your brother?"

"They separated our homes but we went to school together,"

"Oh right,"

"He used to try and attack me. Ah well,"

"I am really sorry. I can be your big brother,"

I nodded and wrapped my arms round him, closing my eyes. Everyone was really nice here, and I felt safe with Calum for definite, but Axel understood a bit what this was all like, and I felt really safe. I really liked him.

Plus, he obviously loved Ally, and Ally and I got along, so maybe he would be patient with me too. He seemed smart, and like he had his shit together. I was still jealous they looked like supermodels, though, and I didn't.

"I've had a really hard day,"

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Yeah. I am really upset about Maddox, and I feel so guilty. They deserve babies and they would be such good mums, and Gabi had a lot going on and I think she just needs the chance to be a bit happy,"

"It definitely feels so unfair, but I don't think you need to feel guilty,"

"But I don't even wanna be pregnant and they do,"

"I know... but you have two different lives, and separate feelings so it is okay for you to feel like that, and also recognise that it is upsetting for them. They are not going to be mad or upset with you,"

"I wanna be their friend,"

"I think they love you!" he said.

"I don't ever wanna leave here. It is the best home ever,"

"I am sure you will stick around,"

"I hope,"

My head turned as the door opened, and Gabi and Maddox walked in, sitting on the other sofa. I wasn't sure what the room was, maybe a second living room. Anyway, they picked up a blanket each and sat down together, putting the tv on.

"How are you two doing?"

"Okay,"

"Why don't I drive us all to get food?" Axel said.

"For real? What? Something fast food?" I asked.

"Yeah, why not?"

"Please?"

"Sure," Maddox said, "They'll be chatting ages,"

"Are you being real? I don't have any money,"

"I am being real,"

"Can I eat it?"

"Yeah,"

"Can you ask Calum for me?"

"Okay. Get your shoes on,"

Excitedly, I went to the front door and put my shoes on, waiting for the others. Maddox smiled, and put her arm round me, and Gabi fixed my hair. They were both very warm towards me.

Once Axel had permission, we got into his car, with me sat in the front. It was a pretty nice car, and he was a good driver. Once we had our food, we parked up to eat it which was fun for me. They were all chatting and I didn't contribute, but I liked the company.

Having something like this, like cousins or whatever, was so novel to me. It was like a pre made friend group. I thought they were all so cool, and I still felt a bit starstruck about Maddox. It was a random book I had found in the school library and never returned because I moved again, and I had read it back to front at least ten times. I almost couldn't believe she was normal.

Both her and Gabi seemed to feel a bit better this evening compared to later. I think it was weird for them because I knew how quickly I had become protective over my babies despite how I felt, but they had only known for a couple of weeks so the idea of being mums was all new and hopeful and maybe that adrenaline was still inside them. They wanted to be parents so badly.

It started to make me a bit emotional all of a sudden, and even though I tried not to make it obvious, I was pretty sure all of them had been through enough hell to be extremely in tune with mood changes.

"Are you okay?" Gabi asked.

"Fine,"

"It's been a long day and you don't sound too well,"

I nodded, letting her stroke my hair from behind. I couldn't tell them why I was crying.

"Maybe we should get you back and we can chill out with our dads,"

"He isn't my dad, he is my grown up,"

"Sorry,"

"But yes. I would like that. I had a lot of fun though. Thank you for including me. Sorry I cried. I am sorry,"

"Hormones am I right?" Axel winked, "We have had a lot of fun too. Thank you for hanging with us, the more the merrier, always,"