wish // 5SOS

47

Charlie

I was trying not to sulk. Really trying.

When people knew it was my birthday this morning, it had made me feel so special. They cared enough to say happy birthday to me. That was rare. And when I got to cuddle Amelie, I felt so happy, and safe, and proud I had brought her here safely so she could have the best life ever.

It was just that Maddox seemed a little protective today. I didn't want the babies. I knew I couldn't give them half the life they were gonna get, but I was still allowed to love them like everyone else. I went by Charlie, Gabriella went by Gabi, Alyssa went by Ally, so god forbid I called Alexander, Alex. How dare Gabi suggest I celebrate something with the twins that I birthed.

I felt like I was doing my best job to give them space and respect that they were the parents. I felt like I wasn't getting respect back that I was their biological mum and I was allowed to still care about them without the tone suggesting I was trying to control them. I only wanted to admire what I had done, and feel happy knowing nothing I went through was ever gonna happen to them. The twins got a pool in the garden, their own rooms, new toys, new clothes, access to school, and doctors, and a loving and huge family, holidays, hobbies- everything. Why would I ever try and take that away from them? That was the whole point of all this. I was a biological mother, but definitely not capable of being a mum right now.

It ruined my birthday a bit.
Okay, a lot.
I went through to Calum feeling pretty shit.

"Hiya honey,"

"Hey,"

"What's up?"

"I feel a bit discouraged about earlier,"

"I'm sorry to hear that. Gabi called to say sorry,"

"I respect them but I don't feel respected back. I don't want to have the babies, I just wanna be someone they trust and feel safe with,"

"Yeah. I have told that to Gabi, but I am wondering if we should have a group conversation so you can tell them? Would that help?"

"Maybe. I get that they wanna make bonds, but they don't get mad if you cuddle them, or Luke, or Axel,"

"No, I know. Your feelings are valid,"

"Okay. Thank you. Why can I never have a good birthday?"

"We have plenty of time to make it good. What would you like to do?"

"I dunno,"

"Maybe we could have a pizza party with everyone later?"

"Yeah. Can we do something before that?"

"Of course. What do you fancy?"

"Can we go for a fancy meal and get dressed up?"

"Hell yeah,"

"Thanks. I am 18 now. Crazy,"

"It is! I think it will be really fun,"

"Thank you for being so kind to me," I said quietly, "And having my back. Sorry if I have ever upset you,"

"You haven't upset me at all, honey. I'll always have your back, and I think you are amazing. I got you a few presents if you fancy,"

"You got me even more things?"

"18 is a big number,"

"Okay. Thank you. I have never met someone like you before,"

He laughed, and got a few gifts our his wardrobe, and a card. Carefully, I unwrapped one of the gifts, revealing a jewellery box; inside was a locket, which I opened up to a couple of photos of my nanny.

"Calum,"

"Do you like it?"

"I love it. Thank you. That is really thoughtful,"

"I hoped you would. That is the best gift, by the way,"

"Don't say that, they are all good. I am grateful for everything," I said, opening the next gift, "Wow. Shoes?"

"If you don't like them, we can change them for any pair,"

"I love them,"

"Great!"

"Thank you so much,"

"You are very welcome,"

I got a couple of teddies too, and hugged him tightly, leaning against him as I opened the card. I thought it would just say Happy Birthday, but he actually wrote a message inside.

My dearest Charlie,

Happy birthday! I think we are going to have a really fun year, and I hope today can be special.

I know none of this is easy. You have been so brave, and come into this home and family with levels of openness and kindness that I admire. We haven't known each other long, but I do know that you are a shining star, and cherished by everyone who you have met whilst being here.

I am super proud of you, and so excited to see you blossom as you get to start fresh. I have your back in everything you do, and think we will become an unstoppable team together. Never did I think I would be someone's grown up forever, so to find out so soon that I get to be is a blessing, and you will always have a place to call home in me.

Even though turning 18 is adulthood, I hope you get to experience some things that childhood may not have allowed. Lots of fun, lots of cuddles, and learning lots of new things. You are already so intelligent, so I expect great things will come from you.

Love you lots,
Calum xx

I looked up at him and smiled, then back at the card and welled up. No one had ever said such kind words to me. Although my nanny loved me, she didn't always have the time or energy to show it. Calum constantly showed me love and kindness.

"Thank you,"

"I love you so much, and me and you are gonna make sure we have the best year ever,"

"Best life,"

"Yeah, why not? Best life ever,"