Promises

Chapter 37

*Autumn's POV*

Last night i came home to my parents as i was going back to college today. I was excited and nervous at the same time, but it was always nice to get out of the house.

I met Joe, Caspar and Emilia by Starbucks; it felt just like old times. I feel like i haven't been to college in what seems like years.

I caught up with Emilia as I felt like i hadn't really caught up with her lately.. Soon i think we should have a day out, just the two of us.

Once we arrived at college the others had a lesson but i had a lecture.

I said goodbye to the others and began to walk to the room where my lecture was being held.

I slowly opened the door and every thing seemed quiet. Lots of heads turned my way and stared at me.

Suddenly, i felt an overwhelming sense of fear and i felt detached from the world around me. What was wrong with me?

I ran out of the room and sat by the wall as the door closed.

I could feel myself hyperventilating; it felt like i was choking. It became hard to breathe and i felt like the corridor around me was spinning.

I saw somebody running towards me and tears came to my eyes, causing my eyesight to blur.

Eventually i realised who it was; it was Joe.

'Autumn stay calm, I've got you' he said, crouching down and cuddling me into him.

My tears soaked down my face at the pain i was in.

'Come on now Aut', stay with me. Breathe in through your nose, and slowly out of your mouth.' Joe said soothingly.

I followed his instructions and did as he had said. It was hard at first but after a while i got the hang of it and steadily calmed my self.

Still trembling, i hugged Joe tightly to thank him; my tears soaking through his T-shirt. If he hadn't of seen me, i don't know what i'd of done.

'Come on now, we can skip your lecture and go back to mine. I only had one lesson today anyway so we can just go; you need to rest' Joe spoke softly.

I didn't have the energy to argue with him so i just did as he said.

*

When we got back to Joe's he didn't question me. He respected that i needed to stay calm for a while before i spoke.
Therefore, he just put a blanket over me and made me a cup of tea.

After a while, Joe started to go into a gaze. I knew what he was thinking, he wanted to ask me questions without me feeling forced into it.

'I felt like i Couldn't breathe..' I said, breaking the silence, and remembering the pain i was in.

Joe looked at my sympathetically and smiled warmly.

'Oh come here' he said, gesturing for me to curl by his side.

I scooted across the sofa and wrapped my arms around his waist, my face resting on his stomach.

'It was a panic attack' he whispered.

'A what?' I asked, confused.

'You had a panic attack.. It's caused by high levels of anxiety.' He started, now looking me in the eye.

'You must have felt scared or humiliated or embarrassed by something' he added on.

A huge lump formed in my throat and i suddenly understood what he was on about. I had experienced a panic attack. What if i had another one? What if they became more regular?

'I was urm- i dont know what i felt.. Everyone just turned their eyes on me and i felt.. Humiliated I guess? I just felt like people had been talking about me and it just made me feel so small..' I spoke quietly.

Then i realised, Joe had helped me through the situation and he had stayed so calm?

'How come you were so calm about it?' I questioned.

'I wasn't calm, i was just trying to be strong for you. If i was weak you would have felt negative and the situation could have been worse..
I just kept my nerve together because of how much practice I've had. Zoe gets panic attacks, she has anxiety' he replied.

'Oh i'm so sorry Joe' i spoke, guilty for asking.

'No no its fine, Zoe is almost getting it under control now. But some people can have frequent ones, or others can have it once or twice.' He said.

'I don't think you should go back to college just yet, you should wait a while' he added, concerned.

'No i'm fine, it was just a one off Joe' i hoped.

'Okay.. But just remember, anxiety is a behaviour of you, not who you are. So don't let it scare you, you can change it for the better.' Joe said.

And he was right. Even if i got a more serious kind of anxiety; i could always find the strength to battle it off. i had to be strong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ficmas day 19

Good morning,
I can't believe Ficmas is almost over!

At the end of this chapter i quoted something from zoe's vlog the other day about anxiety. I found it so helpful for people and it fitted perfectly with this story so i just added it.
If any of you struggle with anxiety you should go and watch her vlog :).

I hope you have a great day x