Promises

Chapter 38

*Emilia's POV*

Today Autumn had gone home with Joe unexpectedly.. I hope she is okay.

Tonight i was going to Caspar's mum's house again, to catch up with her. His mum is amazing and she has a great sense of humour, i see her as a second mum to me.

*

As it was time to leave college i met Caspar outside, interlocked our fingers and walked to his old house with him.

We arrived at his house and walked inside, still hand in hand.

'Hello!' Caspar's mum greeted me with a hug. 'It's nice to see you again'.

'You too' i smiled out of the hug.

'How are you Caspy?' She turned to Caspar, nicknaming him.

'Mummmm- don't call me that!' He whined embarrassed.

'Oh im sorry' she laughed.

'But yeah i'm fine thanks mum, doing gooodddd' he added.

'What would you two like for tea? I have pasta, pizza or chips?' Caspar's mum asked.

I suddenly felt a wave of guilt come over me, because i didn't want any food. I felt like i would upset her; but i couldn't force it down me.

'Pizza please mum. What do you want?' Caspar said, looking at me.

'Nothing thanks- i'm not hungry' i said with a smile, hoping she wouldn't get offended.

'You sure honey?' She asked with furrowed eyebrows.

'Yeah i'm sure. My mum is making me some food tonight anyway' i lied.

*Caspar's POV*

We walked up to my room, and i still felt confused.
Sure- Emilia's mum was making her food. But normally, Mills wouldn't miss a chance on eating; she loves her food.
This was definitely strange and i planned to question her about it.

I shut the door behind us and plonked down on my bed. Emilia was standing up, staring out of the window.

I observed her small frame..
And that's when i noticed; how skinny she was. It wasn't the normal skinny. It was too skinny.
How had i not noticed this?

'Mills..' I said, breaking her stare.

She looked at me and came and sat down next to me. Normally, she would bounce down; but now she just looked like she had no energy.

She cuddled into my side and i put my arm around her shoulder.. i could feel her shoulder bone. Not like before. They were defined now, in a way where you could feel the bone..

'Yeah?' She finally replied, confused.

She sounded weak. How had i been so blind to see this? i guess if you don't know anything is wrong, you won't think anything is wrong.

'D-did you eat breakfast this morning?' I stuttered.

'No, i didn't have time. Why?' She asked, obviously confused.

'D-did you yesterday?' I stuttered once again.

'I don't think so. I never have time' she added.

'Have you at all this week?' I asked, tears brimming to my eyes, unsure if I wanted to hear her response.

'... I-i'm not sure' she now stammered.

There was a short silence before i spoke again; my voice cracking on the edge of tears.

'You haven't ate lunch at college either for since i can remember' i said quietly, holding back the urge to cry.

How had i not realised this before?

*Emilia's POV*

What was Caspar trying to get at?
There was nothing wrong?

'Emilia.. Have you- been s-starving yourself..?' He questioned, and looked me in the eye.

Single tears left his eye; one by one. His deep blue eyes looked so sad, and i hated it.

But i didn't really think of it like that before. I just thought 'oh heck, its only missing one meal ' . but i didn't really realise how many meals i'd missed.

'I don't- i mean.. I-i don't know' i cried.

I always thought i was fat.
And why would Caspar want a fat girlfriend?
I tried slimming before and it never worked, and to me, starving myself didn't seem to work.
Actually; even when i looked in the mirror i still saw ripples of fat.

'stand up' he simply said; i did as he asked.

He lifted the back of my top up, and gasped as he did so.
He let go of it and cried.
Why was he crying?

'Why would you do this to yourself?' He cried.

'Do what? Caspar- i'm fat. Why do you even want to be with me?' I questioned, looking him in the eye.

'I-is this what its all about? You thought you were fat? Emilia.. You were perfect' he said, his voice cracking at the end.

'Even if you were fat, do you really think i'd be bothered by that?
You have the most amazing personality and a laugh to die for- i'd do anything to hear you laugh.
Emilia i don't think you understand, i love you for you.' He said.

His words made me melt inside, but at how stupid i'd been i cried.
But did i really look different?

I walked over to Caspar's mirror and lifted my top to look at my side.

Before, i'd feel depressed at how bloated i'd gotten- which made me starve myself even more. I'd check on my body every day and i felt like i'd stayed the same- i was still fat.

But now.. Now i feel like my eyes had been opened. I wasn't fat. I was skinny- bony in fact. You could see my spine out of my back, and to be honest.. I looked horrendous.

I looked at my face. Dark circles appeared under my eyes- like i'd had no sleep for weeks.
My cheeks seemed slimmer and my clothes seemed to hang off of me.

Was it really this bad?

I cried at realisation and tucked myself in to a ball on the bed.
What had i done?

'Shh' Caspar whispered, tears still streaming down his face, but trying to comfort me.

'We can get through this together Emilia. You might not be able to eat large amounts at first, but don't worry- we will work at it.
We'll take baby steps and we'll get you back on track, okay?' He asked for my permission.

'Thank you Caspar. For everything ' i whispered, basically giving him permission to help me.

I know he'll help me. Even if it takes weeks, months; he'll help me through this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ficmas day 20

Good morning!
5 days till Christmas!
Thank you so much for 2k reads! I would have never imagined to get that many :)

This is a really long chapter than usual- I'm sorry its kinda depressing, but i wanted you to know there is help out there for these kind of things.

I hope you have a great day x