Ashley’s POV:
There’s a certain sense of withdrawal you get from jamming all of your possessions into many suitcases for good. Yup, for good. I’m giving in. I don’t even see how it’s worth it anymore without Niall. Nothing seems worth it anymore without him. Apart from moving to New York, at least I’ll get away from my Mother. Living with her constant remarks and telling’s of how I’m still not good enough even though I obeyed her disgusting wish of breaking up with Niall is getting old now, it has been for a while but at least now I’m finally getting away. I’m going to quite confidently say that my Mum is the only thing I probably won’t really miss. I adore London and the friends and maybe the more than friend’s relationships I made here and to take myself away from that it’s…it’s hard.
Maybe I’m kind of feeling relief. I mean, it’ll be nice to get away. But there’s only so long you can lock yourself away for before you realise that even though there’s so many bad things ridden throughout your previous life you wouldn’t mind having all of them back so you can have the good. How I feel about losing Niall is just in-describable. I feel so hopeless, worthless and I just don’t even see the point anymore. I truly never thought just one person could have this effect on me, I believe in love, always have and always will after my relationship with Niall but all the time I grew up understanding how you can grow to love a complete stranger as your significant other I never really…got how it could be like you really couldn’t find the will to live without them. I feel kind of, weak and pathetic that Niall was so important to me that I really don’t see the point without him. It’s weird, it’s horrible and it’s not something I wish upon anyone else. Heartbreak sucks, so bad.
It’s so ridiculous how I don’t know what to do with myself knowing that I no longer hold a relationship with Niall. Like I’ll get up and I won’t have a clue what to do, that is if I even make it out of bed and out of my sea of tissues and romance films that I replay all day but don’t even pay attention too. It’s almost as if before without even realising it my whole life it just adapted to him and my relationship with him and now that it’s not there anymore my normal routine…it’s just totally messed up.
I think everyone’s starting to get suspicious. It hasn’t been publicly announced yet that we’re no longer together and I don’t think I plan on doing that. Maybe we’re not doing it because then that’d just make everything seem more real and once you say it, there’s no going back. I get this feeling that we’re both just hanging around waiting and hoping for something to change but we’re both just as scared as each other to make the change. I don’t know, I wouldn’t know since after a few days the boys gave up on contacting me and I have had no contact with Niall what so ever, apart from things that the boys and Mallory have told me. The slightest bit of contact we’ve had is him sticking up for me on twitter in people still tweeting and hating on me, yeah, he’s still doing that. I want to thank him for sticking up for me show him that I’m not a complete heartless bitch and I am hurting just as much as him but I’m scared, so freaking scared.
We haven’t tweeted each other directly since, congratulations management you got your wish. I hope you’re fucking happy.
It was needless to say it was a nice day for September with a strange heat; I should be outside with my camera right now. But no, instead I’m cleaning up the remaining of my tissues which are filling a dustbin bag (worried) and finishing off stuffing my belongings into my 5 suitcases. I own a lot of stuff, right? No. I don’t use it all, I’m just not gonna leave it here for my Mother or anyone to tamper with. If she’s so set in on moving my life to New York then I plan on taking my whole life to New York, what I can of it anyway, because clearly I can’t take…Niall.
“Oh wonderful you’re almost packed.”
My Mother sung as she leant in the doorway. I narrowed my eyes at her as I jammed my pillows into my duffel bag for the plane ride. I didn’t reply just acted like she wasn’t watching my every move as I debated whether to take the necklace Niall gave me off or not, I think she was expecting me to. No, it’s all I have left.
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Picture This (Niall Horan Trilogy)
Fanfiction[ (BK 1) -COMPLETED -BK 3 IN PROGRESS- (CURRENTLY EDITING) ] Ashley Dawson has spent her life living in the shadow of her pop-star sister Ellie Dawson. Life's dull, it's boring and Ashley's beginning to tire of the same old routine. She's bored of a...
