Personal Experience

Chapter Thirteen

*Harry’s P.O.V.*

“I’m gonna go check on Liam, now…” I say. I kiss Colleen’s cheek before I lift her up then, in a way, past her to Louis. Eleanor and Louis wrap themselves around her wiping away, what I hope to be, the last of her tears for the night.

I head towards the backyard figuring Liam went outside. It’s still drizzling, and Liam has nothing on except his shorts. As I walk out to him he’s glaring at me, and when I get close enough to talk to him he punches me in the face. “What the hell, man?!” He doesn’t say anything, but just glares hatefully at me. His entire upper body is moving as he breathes deeply. “Liam! What the hell?!”

“She fucking got raped, and you didn’t tell us?!” he screams.

“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” I say through gritted teeth standing back up.

“I don’t care if it was her secret! She’s our sister; our little sister!”

“She’s not that little anymore, Liam.” I stare back at him.

“She will always be our little sister. Just like the rest of the girls, they will always be our sisters! Why the hell do you think we’re so protective over her?! Just like we would be with our actual sisters.” I can’t say anything; he’s right. I would do anything for my sister even though she’s older than me. Andrea and Kaitlyn have become my sisters just as much as Eleanor and Perrie have. “That’s what I thought, Haz.”

“Liam,” I reach to touch him.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Liam!” I yell. “You can’t blame yourself either!”

“Why not?!”

“Because…” I slump to the ground, “Because I’ve been doing the same thing, and it hasn’t made of a difference…”

“Why would you do that?”

“Why would you?”

Liam sits next to me, “Jeez, man, how have you put up with this?”

“I don’t sleep.”

“No wonder you’re so stressed. Why won’t you sleep?”

“Because she usually has some kind of dream, nightmare, or night-terror. The ones where I can’t wake her up because she could hurt me or herself. To make matters worse, she doesn’t even remember what they're about after she wakes up. This time, it was just a dream, and she remembered it…”

“What was the one about?”

I look away trying not to cry; I pinch the bridge of my nose before I speak, “It was about me… I tried to…”

“Don’t. Don’t say it,” he sighs as the rain continues to hit us. “What are you going to do about her cutting?”

“I’ve thrown out every razor I’ve found, and she knows if I find any more, they’re going too,” I grit my teeth, “That’s why her hand is bandage.”

“She cut her hand?”

“When Niall and I ran in after her the other day, well Niall, I found the two of them in her room, and she was holding one of the razors too hard while hiding it from Niall. I only needed to see the blood on the floor to know. She lost more blood than she thought and ended up throwing up. She’s been a little shaky, but I guess no one else noticed.”

“I’m so sorry, Haz,” he says rubbing my back.

“It’s just,” I begin to cry, “It’s just that she became my best friend and I loved her. I loved her the entire time! I should never have let us break up.” Liam doesn’t say anything. “When I first saw her this week I couldn’t breathe; I forgot how beautiful she is. Then she went and cut herself. She harmed her gorgeous body!”