17BLACK

Chapter 77

A MONTH LATER

Louis' POV:

"Are you going to be okay for today?" Will asks for the hundredth time.

I try calming my shaky hands enough to adjust my tie. Will tried convincing me to get a colored tie, something to stand out, but I had snapped at him and told him that he should be grateful that I'm wearing a suit at all. It had shut him up.

I've never worn a suit before. I didn't even wear one to mum's funeral.

I didn't cry either, so my attire really wasn't the big issue there.

"I'm okay," I drone. The more I say it, though, the more I begin to believe it. I may not reach the level of happiness that supports a healthy lifestyle, but I'll be able to keep moving. It no longer pains me to get out of bed in the mornings.

The problem is at night when I'm alone in an empty bed at my empty apartment, the tears choking my throat and loneliness threatening to take me under. The pain when I'm alone has yet to diminish. It should be stale by now, but I've found that the only way to keep it at bay is to keep myself into company.

Will and Aaron haven't asked me about my sudden change in heart, they don't question it when I show up at their apartment late at night to climb into bed between them, they allow me to tag along with them for casual chores like going to the store for milk. The emptiness isn't allowed to creep too far into me until I go scrambling for some company.

If I'm being annoying and clingy they don't say so.

Will takes a long look at me, not trusting my words enough to judge my state. I force a smile to form on my lips.

"I swear." Aaron calls for Will from the other room, and of course Will scurries off. He's completely whipped.

I'm not jealous, not really, when I catch them with their lips connected or when I have to walk behind them on the sidewalk because they're practically joined at the hip. Will deserves Aaron and Aaron deserved Will. I didn't deserve Harry and that's why I'm the one that must sit in the back seat as Will drives with one hand clasped in Aaron's.

It hurts, but these days it's hard to find something that doesn't.

I make sure that Will has safely exited the room and shut the door behind him before digging into my back pocket. I pull out the crumpled napkin and scan my eyes over the familiar words there.

So I've memorized dozens of poems in my lifetime and have read four times that, but I've never written one. Crazy, isn't it? I just never had anything to really write about. But I'm sitting here alone on your doorstep and I've decided that you are definitely inspiration enough. And if anyone deserves to have a poem written about them, it's you. You deserve the world.

So here goes nothing, I guess-

You know, I keep scolding my heart for being so trustworthy

My brain, eyes, ears, they all understand.

To love is to give the power of pain away to someone else.

It was just a ticking time bomb and you held the timer in your hand.

But I don't mind, not really.

If seeing the privilege of how amazing you are is part of the deal then I'd consider it a wise trade.

So I let myself fall in love with you, Louis Tomlinson.

And now that my heart lies in pieces I've realized that maybe it wasn't so stupid after all,

Because I got to see you, all of you.