17BLACK

Chapter 79

THE SONG THAT GOES WITH THE DANCE LATER IN THE CHAPTER IS ANOTHER YOU BY OF MICE AND MEN BUT FEEL FREE TO IMAGINE WHATEVER SUITS YOUR FANCY

"Hi," Louis says breathlessly. He looks like he's seen a ghost. I'm not fully convinced that I'm not seeing one.

I'm gaping at him, taking in his messy quiff and blue eyes in without a word. I can't form coherent sentences.

I do know one thing, though- all the time I spent trying to convince myself that I wasn't in love with Louis anymore, that what we had was just an illusion, all of it has just been erased in the blink of an eye. I can't tear my eyes away from his face, especially his new unshaven stubble. I've seen him when he hasn't shaven in a few days, but it looks like he hasn't shaven in an entire month. He looks older, and tired.

"Honestly Harold out of all of these empty urinals and you choose the one next to me? What if I was a stranger?" He tries acting like this is humorous for him, but I know that he's just as affected. His pupils are blown and he can't seem to shut his mouth.

I struggle to grasp onto words, anything other than just mindless staring.

"Well I knew that you had that watersports kink..." I cringe just as I say it. Not because of the kink, but because you can't just talk about kinks with your ex, what am I thinking?

Louis just seems amused. His eyes are hard to read, and I long to be back in the time when he didn't have to hide from me. I'd like to see what's really going on in his mind right now.

"I lied," he shrugs.

"About what?" His eyes wander to my crotch, which I realize in horror is still frozen in the position I was in while peeing.

"Liking watersports- hey, don't let me interrupt you there," he motions to the urinal and smirks at my dumbfounded actions.

I clear my throat and turn to face the wall in front of me as Louis walks behind me to the sinks. I hear the water running as he washes his hands and I try desperately to will the pee to start flowing again.

There's a chuckle from Louis' when the sink is turned off and I still have yet to even have a dribble.

"Problem?" He returns to his spot beside me, not seeming to receive an ounce of this awkwardness.

"I can't do it when you're in here," I groan. Louis just stares and stares, taking in my hair and my eyes and my nose and my lips.

"I'll just leave then." He smiles once more at me, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Louis, wait-" I call just as he's reaching the restroom door. I don't want to let him go just yet.

"Why did you lie about the watersports thing?" I suddenly hope that we're the only people in here. If not then our past sex life will be on display.

Louis puts his foot in the door, preventing it from shutting as he ponders the question. He's halfway inside, halfway out, and I feel like I'm letting him slip through my fingers all over again.

"I didn't think you would like the real answer," he says simply. I watch as he begins stepping out, holding the door open for a few more seconds as he peeks his head in.

"Break a leg."

And then he's gone.

...

"Are you okay?" Beck pokes at my cheek.

I pull myself out of the trance I've slipped into, staring blankly at the wall as we wait to go on stage. I can't get Louis' face out of my mind. He looked amazing, with his white t-shirt and slacks. His hair was longer than I've ever seen it, but it didn't look bad. He couldn't ever look bad.