Rejected and Back

Chapter 32

Being back in my own bed is weird to say the least. I sit up and let out a groan. I haven't been able to sleep since we left Murphy's place.

"Addy!" Ansley yells as she opens the door up. She stops when she sees me.

"You look like shit." Ansley sits down on the bed next to me.

"I haven't been able to sleep." I fall back on the bed. "I don't know why I cant sleep." I let out a frustrated sigh.

"Maybe because you care about the people there and you didn't want to leave them. Addy it's okay to care for murphy. Aspen isn't going to hate you for it. He was the person the moon goddess intended for you to be with even if he fucked it up. You both made it better and so it's going to be different." Ansley smiles at me as I roll my eyes.

"No its not okay I cant even sleep so this is like the top of fucked." I sit back up and face her. "It's not that I know Aspen wouldn't be ok with me caring about Murphy its me. I mean I forgave him for everything and I hope him and Toni the best I really do, but another part of me is bitter about it." I say. "Goddess I sound like a idiot I have a great man and partner down stairs that loves me for me and loved me at my lowest. I shouldn't even be thinking about them." I say.

"Ads i'm going to tell you this as your friend and as your future sister. It is going to sting. When I see Will and his mate I still get bitter and I have Aiden. I shouldn't harbor any feelings good or bad but they are there. The feelings will always be there. It will always be like that. I Know it sucks and I get that, but you also have to pull on your big girl panties and deal with it." Ansley kisses my cheek and stands up and opens my bedroom door and turns to look at me.

"Lunch is done by the way." She shuts the door and I can hear her in the hallway talking to someone but its muffled. I stand up and walk across the room towards the vanity. I look at myself and let out a frustrated groan.

My hair is sticking up in all sorts of directions making me look like I just stuck my finger in the electrical socket. I run my fingers through my hair and scrape it all up and throw it in a bun. There is still some makeup residue on my face from last night.

"I swear it's like I want to look like a raccoon." I huff. Arms wrap themselves around my waist and I look in the mirror and meet Aspen's gaze.

"A gorgeous raccoon." He kisses the side of my head as he brushes my hair away from my neck and kisses down my neck.

"I do not I look like the raccoons that steal the garbage in the middle of the night and then go and hide when you turn the light on scaring them off." I say.

"You've given this way too much thought haven't you?" He ask.

"I always think I look like a raccoon." I say. He laughs and kisses my head again and sits down on the couch next to the bay window.

"How were the war meetings?" I ask.

"About like I thought they would be going." I open the drawers up on my dresser and find a loose fitting tank and a pair of leggings.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"I mean some people want to help out with the Travis problem and others think that that is the doing of the fathers before us and we shouldn't be putting ourselves into the problem that doesn't concern us." He looks out the window.

"There's more." I say.

"No there isn't." Aspen looks back out the window like he does every time he has something to worry about.

"Don't lie to me you look out of a window every time I have ever seen you worry about something." I look at him and I watch his shoulders sag.

"I agree with some of them Addy. I know you care about Murphy and I get the history but at the same time I don't get why we should have to be putting ourselves in the position to loose members of this pack. People are going to die and I don't want to risk the people I love for something that doesn't really concern my pack." He says.

"Doesn't concern your pack! My dad is part of the reason Travis is doing this! Dad is part of your pack unless you have so conveniently forgotten that! And we have people we love there as well or are you forgetting the fact that Ned and Finn are our friends and they live in Murphy's rule! I swear to the goddess this is the stupidest shit you have ever said in your entire life!" I'm heated and I can feel the anger boiling in me making me get pushed closer and closer to the edge.

"No I haven't forgotten that, but I also know what is best for my pack isn't war." He talks to me in a calm manner making me get even madder. I can feel the anger on him and it isn't about Travis.

"This isn't even about Travis is it?! You would go to war for anyone else but it is Murphy. That's the whole reason you don't want to go to war. You wont go because Murphy asked and I no longer want to hate him?" I ask.

Aspen looks away not denying any of it. His face remains mutual but I can feel his emotions flooding the bond as I know he can feel mine.

"I don't want to loose you Addy and I know if you keep fighting for Murphy to help him I am going to loose you whether that be to him or to the fact that you will die for him." He sounds broken and lost and he wont look at me.

"I am not going back to Murphy. I love him but it is not in any kind of way like I love you. When I am with you it is like the world is spinning like it is supposed to and we are the only two people on the earth and that everything will be in line. Aspen I love you so much it hurts and I cant be without you. I know who I love and who I don't. I may love him but I am not inlove with him like I am with you." I place my hands on either side of his face and rest my forehead against his.

"I love you too." Aspen leans up and kisses me gently as if he presses any harder he may break me.

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SORRY I KNOW ITS BEEN A MINUTE IVE BEEN SO BUSY WITH SCHOOL!!!!!!