i sleep naked ➸ larry stylinson

forty four

"i can't do this," harry mumbled to himself, walking back and forth in the big stall of the swimming locker room restroom. "i can't do this i can't do this i can't do this."

he could hear the splashing outside, the laughter of some kids he didn't know, but he could make out zayn if he listened close enough.

he was wearing a pair of swim trunks, the swim trunks louis had given him so, so long ago. he never gave them back, he actually kind of liked them. but now it just caused his stomach to twist, especially since he wasn't wearing a shirt and he felt so fat, his tummy bulged out so much, it was awful. 

he was sitting on the toilet, his arms crossed over his growling stomach, when he heard wet footsteps on the tile floor along with water dropping. "harry! harry why aren't you coming out here! come on, it's fun!"

"okay," harry responded, trying not to sound on the verge of tears.

he waited for zayn to leave, for his footsteps to disappear as he left the locker room. but zayn stood there, harry could see his bare feet under the stall. 

"harry? come on."

harry was shaking now.

"okay," he repeated himself, struggling to even bite his trembling lip, when he tried a choked sob escaped his mouth, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a second. "okay, okay okay okay okay."

it wasn't long before zayn was at the stall door. "harry, open this door now or i swear i'll crawl under it and drag you out."

"okay okay okay," harry replied, and his head was spinning as he stumbled across the slightly wet floor towards the lock. he fumbled a bit before he managed to turn it open, and zayn burst through the stall before quickly pulling harry's frail body into his arms.

"c'mere," he whispered. "it's okay baby, it's okay, i know."

"okay," harry cried, he was crying and everything he said sounded like a distressed sob and he hated himself more every second he let zayn comfort him. zayn hushed him, rocking him slightly and telling him not think too much.

zayn didn't smell like honey, and harry didn't like that. he always associated comfort and sleep with honey and laundry and louis and he didn't know if that would ever change. it was just the way things were, whether zayn was his best friend or not.

"i want louis," he sobbed, pushing his forehead further into zayn's shoulder. "i don't want louis but i want louis and i don't want him and i want him." zayn's bare shoulder was wet and cold against his forehead. he smelled like chlorine.

"harry, you don't want him. you think you do, when really you just miss your relationship, not louis."

no, harry wanted to scream. he did miss what they had, but he also missed the way louis smiled and the way his left eye twitched when he was talking and he missed louis as a person, not as a boyfriend.

but he also hated that louis had turned him into this.

he was trembling when zayn lifted his chin up.

"harry, you don't even look like you've been crying. maybe if you play some water polo, get your mind off of things, you'll feel better? is that alright?" zayn's voice was soft, it was compassionate and caring and it wasn't louis'.

it's been four months, harry thought. get over him already.

so he nodded weakly, and zayn gave him a really tight hug before releasing harry. they walked through the small locker room together, the whole time harry sucking his stomach in and it was really hard to breathe but it was better than being even fatter.