Driver (Sebastian Vettel) - ON HOLD

21.0 - Losing

It was a few days before Sebastian, and I had a real conversation, sure we'd spoken about work, but that was just that, work. Sitting on the sofa in the apartment, I had my legs up on the remaining seats as I glanced at the pictures in an Italian magazine that I had found under the coffee table. 

"Megan," I heard Sebastian's voice. I had heard him come through the main door of the apartment, but I ignored him. Looking up at him, he was standing in the doorway of the living room, leaning against the doorframe as he stared at me. "Are you okay?"

My mind was a scramble, I knew one thing though, I was not okay. "What do you want, Sebastian?" I let the magazine flop down on my lap as I made eye contact with him. 

I watched as he raised his eyes for a second, "You're still mad?" 

Flashing my eyes at him, I rolled them a little before holding the magazine back up and looking down at it. "Is it obvious?"

"We're here for another week," he reminded me like I didn't know how long was left here. "We need to get along."

Wrinkling my nose, I put my magazine down on the coffee table as I sat up straight then turned to look at Sebastian. "If we weren't in this apartment, you wouldn't even know anything else about me." I got to my feet as I heard him let out a long sigh, I turned back and shook my head at him a little, "Don't stand there and pretend like you are so perfect."

Turning away from him, I didn't want to argue any more. I shouldn't have said that I sometimes found I was too sharp with my words. 

"I don't pretend to be anything that I am not," he said as I closed my eyes and stood still. 

I knew that he'd awoken my inner Natalie, I was usually a lot calmer than her, but when provoked I could be like her in ways I didn't want to be. I hated that part of me. I breathed heavily as I tried to calm myself down, but then he spoke again. 

"You are the one who started this," he stated. Maybe I had started this today, but I didn't start it overall. "It seems when things go wrong, or someone says something you don't like you seem to run away."

Turning around and staring at him with narrowed eyes, I clenched my jaw. "You don't know anything about me!"

He flashed his eyebrows before his blue eyes burned into mine as he held his hands out in front of him, his hands moving as he spoke. "The first day, you spun your car. You wanted to quit also immediately." He reminded me of our first meeting. "You freaked out on the plane," he said. "As soon as that plane was on the ground and stopped you basically ran off. On the track, you went into the back of my car and kicked off about that-"

"Hey!" I quickly stopped him from saying any more. "You were the one who offered to pack my bags, so stop making all of this my fault!" I was fuming, I didn't know if that was something I could do full time. If I was to stay with Sebastian, working with him, I knew it would be fireworks all the time. It seemed that we were too alike. "From now on, you just worry about you, and I'll just worry about me. When it comes to being on that track, I will be my job to the best of my ability. That's as far as it goes between the two of us. There is no reason for you to get involved in anything other than work."

Sebastian watched me with a look of confusion on his face before he crossed his arms over his chest, "Sounds good to me."

XOXOX

The remaining time in Italy was spent working and in my bedroom. Outside of work, I didn't see Sebastian apart from if I passed him in the apartment. It was easier this way, I could imagine that things could be difficult if we couldn't even work together and as easy as it is for me to complain about him and my job, I couldn't quit. I had bills to pay, I had commitments I had to fulfil. 

The last day at work came and went, I was invited out that evening as a goodbye, I politely declined, deciding instead to return to the apartment and pack. It wasn't like me to turn down a night out, but I didn't want to spend any time with Sebastian outside of work. 

I poured myself a glass of wine before I headed to the bedroom and pulled out my case. I couldn't believe that my time in Italy was coming to an end right now. In twenty-four hours I would be back to reality, my mother would probably be on the phone to me within a matter of hours o my plane touching down. I'd have to visit my sister, making sure that she was still alive and not high on drugs. I knew that my friends would want to see me when I arrived back too, that was also something I had to contend with. 

Holding the glass close to my lips, I sighed before I took a large swig before placing my glass on the bedside cabinet and looking around at all my clothes. Slowly I began to pack my clothes away, everything packed away as I drank my drink and listened to some music. 

My mind was wandering elsewhere, I found myself thinking about how lost I was feeling right now. 

Everything seemed to be a mess. I had always had a slight touch of anxiety and depression but things had always looked up. 

When I worked with Fernando, things were new for me. I managed to find my feet with him, taking my time and learning everything before becoming a real asset to the team. I'm still on their Christmas card list so I must have done something right with them. Working with Lewis was easy. I already knew what I was doing, then I became his friend. When you are friends and work with someone it's much easier than fighting with them. Every day was fun, even when Lewis was in the biggest mood ever after losing or damaging his car, I always knew how to cheer him up or exactly what to do to annoy him until he couldn't take it any more. With Sebastian, things were different. I kind of felt like it was something I had done, maybe it was the nerves of having to work with him so soon after working with Lewis. Maybe it was the fact that myself and Lewis were great friends and I didn't want to let that affect our working relationship, but like with all things in my life that I tried to control, I ruined it before that anyway.

Putting my head on my closed suitcase on the bed, I groaned as I thought about my first day with the Ferrari team. I was a massive pain in the butt, maybe Sebastian wasn't the driver I was meant to work with, maybe I was meant to work with Charles, he was sweet to me. Maybe all of this was a sign that everything was slowly coming to an end for me, maybe I was kidding myself that I could continue to be a test driver.

As I laid with my head on the suitcase, I ran my fingers through my hair before I pulled slightly on the ends of it. Sitting back up, I removed my hands from my hair before I placed the case on the floor, the wheel breaking as it cracked on the ground. "Come on!" My frustrations came tumbling out as I looked at the broken case, my mind was full of everything and it showed when my eyes filled with tears. 

Getting up from my bed, the tears seemed to slip from my eyes. I could not control my emotions, my mind was working overtime. Things were getting too me a little too much.