The Fish Song

Fly to You

     For the second time today, I was on a plane. This time on my way to Harry rather than leaving him. The flight was a little over six hours and I would be arriving in Quebec around ten-thirty pm their time. I had a lot of time to think while I was on the flight and I knew I had a lot to think about.

     I'm constantly holding the weight of all the things I never say, constantly trying to find the surface of my feelings but drowning in all the words. I wasn't good at words or knowing how to be myself. That was what was making this hard for me. I felt like I could be myself around Harry, but I was so scared to be myself. I hadn't been myself in years. I wasn't even sure who I was anymore.

     I was always dancing around my problems never finding the words and I was scared Harry would soon figure out I wasn't good enough. But I couldn't make that decision for him. So what was I to do? What was I going to lose, besides something I don't even have yet? I was on my way to him and what was the point in all of this if I wasn't with him? Where he was was where I wanted to be. I wasn't sure yet if I was brave enough to show him how I felt but I wanted to show him. I wish it was as easy as pressing a button, but it wasn't, so I just needed to suck it up.

     The flight went pretty quickly since I spent most of the time arguing back and forth with myself, coming to the conclusion that I just needed to let go and let what happens to happen. When the flight landed I sent Harry a quick text. Receiving a phone call in return.

     "Hello?" I answered.

     "Hey, where are you?"

     "About to exit the terminal and then I'm headed to baggage claim," I said, as I rounded the corner, following the signs for the exit, "where are you?" I asked, figuring he was still at his hotel waiting for me to arrive. I still wasn't sure who he had waiting for me, he said he had it all covered, so I tried to trust him and not worry.

     "Hold on one second," he said but there was a lot of commotion and voices around him and the line went dead.

      "Harry? Harry? You there?" I pulled the phone from my ear but Gabby's face stared back at me. I wasn't sure what happened but it made me nervous. I sent him a text asking if he was okay and received no reply. I arrived at the baggage claim and easily found my bag. I wasn't sure what was happening and I still hadn't heard from Harry. I pulled my phone back out scanning it hoping he sent me something and I just missed it but there was nothing. I didn't want to call him if he was busy but he had me worried. I pulled up his contact and hit call. It rang and rang and rang but no answer. I was going to let it ring until it went to voicemail, in hopes that he would pick up at the last minute.

     "Hello," he said, answering the phone, but he was quiet. A whisper. I could barely hear him.

     "Harry, are you okay?"

     "Yes, I'm fine. I just got caught in the middle of something." He was still whispering. Where was he?

     "Okay? You scared me," I told him honestly. Honesty seemed to become more natural to me where he was concerned.

     "You were scared?" he asked with a chuckle.

     "Are you laughing at me, Harold?" I placed my hand on my hip. I was still at the baggage claim. I wasn't sure where I was to go but I was sure Harry would get to that. I was just enjoying talking to him at this moment and I didn't want to ruin it.

     "Stop it with the cute sass. Get your hand off your hip." I dropped my hand down. My eyes grew wide. Did he know me that well already, that he knew my hand would be on my hip?

     "How did you know my hand was on my hip?"

     "Turn around, silly." I flipped my head around. There he was. In the same hoodie and sunglasses, he was in, that day at the park. It seemed like a million years ago, but it was only two days before.