The Fish Song

Critical Mistakes

      I woke up like I did every morning since leaving Harry. With the sudden urge to vomit. I rushed to the bathroom. This time I wasn't sure if it was the same old same old or the alcohol, but I was sure it was the same as every other morning, considering I didn't drink that much last night, at least from what I remember. I was washing my face in the sink when there was a knock at the door.

      "DJ, are you doing okay?" I heard Nova ask behind the door.

     "Yeah I am fine. I'll be out in a second," I told her as I placed the toothpaste on my brush. I knew I needed to stop holding onto all of the things that were holding me back from being honest with the ones I love, especially Harry, but I didn't know how to let go. I quickly brushed my teeth, placing the toothbrush back into my toiletries bag. I left the bathroom joining the other three in the kitchen. "I am so sorry. I have no clue what happened last night," I explained to them, placing my hands on Talulah's shoulders. It was nice finally meeting them in person. When they convinced me to leave my bedroom and join them in Miami, I was nervous. We had only ever known each other over the phone. What if they didn't like me when they actually met me in person. But all of my nervousness disappeared the minute I saw them. It was as if we grew up together.

     "Are you still up for the beach today?" Eliza asked from where she sat at the table, eating her jellied toast, the smell of which was making my stomach turn.

     "Damn right I am. Let me just go get ready," I said, turning from the table.

     "DJ?" Nova asked, causing me to turn back towards her.

     "Hmm?"

     "Are you hungry? I'll make you some toast," she said pointing at their plates. My stomach turned again.

    "No I am good. Thank you," I told her, turning and heading back to my room to put on my bathing suit.

***

     I could feel the salt water on my sensitive back. The sores were now gone and were now replaced by small barely noticeable scars. I could taste the salt on my lips and as the waves continued to splash around me I just continued to float on my back. Being in the water was the most at home I had felt in the last few weeks. Well since leaving my home. I felt like the longer I laid here maybe it would wash away all of my pain. When I would get out of the water, it would all be gone, but I knew that wasn't reality.

     I pushed my legs down in the water and my toes touched the soft sand underneath me as I began to move back to shore to join the other three, who were tanning. I don't tan. I burn and blister. Doesn't matter the amount of sunscreen I put on. I wasn't about to be a part of that.

     "This is your hour check-in. You guys need to apply sunscreen," I said to them as I walked up.

     "Yes mom," Telulah said back with a chuckle. I shook my head with a smile grabbing my swimming suit cover up off the lounge chair. Miami Beach was beautiful minus the amount of people that surrounded us. I could feel the serotonin I had been longing for, wafting through the air. I turned around to take in the sunshine around me. That was when I saw him. He was standing at the far edge of the beach, his all black outfit standing out from everyone else's half nude appearance. I wasn't sure what he was doing here or how he found me but the sudden rushing ache in my heart made my knees weak. It took everything in me not to book in running towards him. I slowly took a few steps forward so as to not fall over.

     "D, where are you going?" Eliza asked peeking up from between her arm and her dark blue cat eyed sunglasses, but I was too shocked to answer. I just continued to walk until he noticed me and began to walk towards me in response. The closure I got to him I couldn't keep control of my body. The tears began to fall from my eyes, remembering the last time I saw him. It was only a few weeks ago but it felt like years. He had reached out many times, so did everyone else, but I couldn't bring myself to reply to any of them. I didn't know if they were mad or what but I couldn't bear to look.