The Fish Song

Lonely Heart

      I sat there as I watched as he walked on stage, as he scanned the audience- I knew who he was looking for- as he noticed Gabby instead, as he invited her onstage, and as they danced to Adore You. The smile never falling from my face. At the last minute I knew I couldn't stay at home while the man I loved was only thirty miles away. I threw myself up out of my bed and into my car and headed to the Pepsi Center buying any ticket I could get.

     I wasn't seated very far back but enough that my face blended in with all the others. No one knew I was there. I didn't really know what I was doing but I had to see him. Watching him with Gabby made me melt into my seat. The way he was with her longed for me to have a family of my own with him. But that was crazy. I didn't expect him to call her on stage and I definitely didn't expect him to act the way he did with her. But he always had a way of surprising me when I least expected it. The song had ended and he sent Gabby back to Christian but not before bending down to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I watched as Gabby ran back to George, grabbing his hand and heading off with him. Harry stood back up and faced himself back towards the crowd.

     "The adorable Gabby ladies and gentlemen!" he yelled into the microphone as the crowd erupted around me. He smiled, his dimple popping out and I longed to reach out and poke it. I heard the music start up and I knew right away what it was. "Now this is one of my favorites," he started and I could feel the butterflies try to start up again in my stomach. "Sunflower, Sunflower, my eyes want you more than a melody. Let me inside wish I could get to know you," he sang out and I could tell it didn't matter if he saw me or not, during every song he scanned the crowd for my face, or at least that is what I figured he was doing.

     I began to cry and he continued to sing. I sat there, my right hand on my heart, my left hand twirling his ring on my thumb. I just sat there watching him the tears pouring freely and singing along every time he said sunflower. The song came to an end and a familiar tune came from the band. This was a cover. He was covering a One Direction song. He was singing Don't Forget Where You Belong. I closed my eyes listening to every word. I knew where my home was. Harry was right, home is where the heart is and my heart is with him. 

     The song finished and he went straight into another, without a break. It was another cover. If I could fly. I felt like there was a message he was trying to send with the songs but I couldn't be sure. Hearing him singing the words began to send shock waves throughout my body. If this was truly how he was feeling, I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to give up anything for me. I remembered what Nova said to me about what she saw when she went to talk to him. He was high and a mess. Physically and emotionally. And as I watched him sing I could see all the desperation in his eyes.

     "I've got scars even though they can't always be seen." I knew about some of his past but I didn't know what I did could hurt him as much as it seemed to be doing. "And pain gets hard, but now, you're here and I don't feel a thing." As much as I was still hurting from my past he always took away my pain when I was with him. It was just something about him. He was the part to make me whole. "Pay attention, I hope that you listen, 'cause I let my guard down. Right now I'm completely defenseless," he sang out. His walls were down but mine were all the way up. He continued to sing and I continued to cry. All too soon the song was over. I had no clue what they had planned next but I wasn't sure my head and heart could take much more.

     "I hope you are all enjoying yourselves tonight. I'm having a pretty good time up here. How about all of you?" The crowd cheered and I smiled. I loved watching him from the crowd. He was so alive. It was a beautiful thing. This is what I wanted for him. For him to be happy and enjoy himself without having to think about what drama I might be getting myself into or starting.