The TARDIS is in flight. Suddenly a fog horn sounds and a ship's bow crashes through the side.
"What? What?" a ship's bell sounds, and I pick up life belt that has the name Titanic on it.
"What?" The Doctor returns to the console and adjusts the controls. The TARDIS walls reform, pushing the ship back outside. Then he materialises it inside the ship, next to a board detailing a list of shipping companies. The fog horn is sounding again.
*Time skip*
People in Edwardian dress are enjoying a champagne buffet. A band plays a slow version of Jingle Bells. Around the room are golden skinned statues of male angels. One moves as the Doctor and I walk past. Then the Doctor spots a small red-skinned alien in a dinner jacket, and goes to a window.
"Right" the Doctor says.
"Attention all passengers. The Titanic is now in orbit above Sol Three, also known as Earth. Population, Human. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas" the Doctor and I look at each other. We walk past a recording of a bald man with a thin moustache sitting behind a desk.
"Max Capricorn Cruise liners. The fastest, the farthest, the best. And I should know because my name is Max" his gold tooth glints in the light. the screen returns to the logo, and the lady singer croons Winter Wonderland. The Doctor has changed into dinner jacket and bow tie, while I have a different dress on.
"Merry Christmas, sir, ma'am."
"Merry Christmas" I reply. Couples are dancing to the music. The Doctor and I mingle, passing a man on his mobile phone, we go up to one of the angels.
"Evening. Passenger fifty-seven. Terrible memory. Remind me. You would be?" The Doctor asks.
"Information. Heavenly Host supplying tourist information."
"Good, so, tell me, because I'm an idiot, where are we from?"
"Information. The Titanic is en route from the planet Sto in the Cassavalian Belt. The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures."
"Titanic. Who thought of the name?"
"Information. It was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth."
"Did they tell you why it was famous?" I ask.
"Information. All designations are chosen by Mister Max Capricorn, president of Max, Max, Max" the Host twitches and its voice pitch rises. The Steward notices and hurries over.
"Ooo, bit of a glitch" the Doctor says.
"It's all right, sir, we can handle this" two more officers arrive and they switch off the Host before carrying it away.
"Software problem, that's all. Leave it with us. Merry Christmas. That's another one down. What's going on with these things?" I look up at the Doctor shrugging.
"I didn't do it" I say.
*Time skip*
"For Tov's sake, look where you're going. This jacket's a genuine Earth antique."
"I'm sorry, sir."
"You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart. Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn's going down the drain" the man leaves the waitress, the Doctor and I stop to help her.
"Careful. There we go" I say.
"Thank you, ma'am. I can manage."
"I never said you couldn't. I'm the Seer, by the way and this is the Doctor."
