When Sanity is Lost

217

Sink down and forget about it,
Don't want to do it,
Gonna burn the pictures of it anyway,
I don't want to think about thinks again,
Tear the script,
And forget about it,
As soon as I'm gone anyway,
Don't you know,
I keep falling down,
Knowing one day I'll get the chance,
I just gotta wait,
And I can burn down the image you see,
Tear the word you know down,
Piece by piece,
And let you know that you've lost me.

When did you decide you wanted me back?
When did you decide you wanted normal back?
When will you realize we never had normal,
And you'll never get the old me back,
Cuz I realized that a long time ago,
And I bet my life,
I've given my life,
To proving to you,
That we'll never have normal,
And you throw parts of me away,
The pieces I guess I needed,
I won't let you know,
That this is just the beginning,
And I grew up witnessing,
Yeah, I grew up witnessing,
Everything love wasn't supposed to be,
And you're wondering why I can't show you some now.

Throughout my life,
I had to learn what things were,
But seeing what they aren't.
And I keep telling myself one day,
I'll open up to you,
And I won't feel this lonely,
Trust me when I say I love you,
But you couldn't ever love me,
When you raised me up in such a messed up home,
You don't know the first thing about me,
And I forgot to tell you happy birthday,
Because you don't celebrate it anyway,
I always figured I'd be happy alone,
And it's all because of you,
Isn't it easy to place the blame on you?

You said you liked it better alone,
Knowing you needed the help,
And you could take care of us three alone,
And the bills need to be paid,
Tossed away the best thing you ever had,
All because you didn't want her love,
Are you really that egotistic,
That you couldn't let a fond feeling go,
I know that's not what you wanted but anything she ever did was for you,
And you kept telling me,
She was the bad guy,
I keep running into things that make that hard to believe,
I'm sorry to spill these secrets to you.
You always said she was the one doing it wrong,
When you told her,
Her every move was wrong.

I might as well open my mouth some time,
I know that was a year ago,
But I'm sorry to say that I grew up being told they were the bad guy,
And now my insight and my care for details,
With being the death of me,
Because I'm come to realize,
That all she ever did was try and benefit you,
And you couldn't even tell her that at least she tried.
I hate that you never listened,
And you keep jumping to conclusions.

You called me antisocial,
But you know I've always been one to be easily hushed,
Not once did you listen,
And you wonder why I feel like you don't care,
I know it gets on your nerves,
And I'm sure the fault is not entirely yours,
But anything that I ever cried over,
Came from you're actions,
I don't even dare try to pick the pieces up knowing that,
Not one of them will be safe,
Until I've gone away,
I cried over the car that brought the family together that we had maybe only a week,
I cried when you let her go away,
I cried when you told me that what I think I am is not even of existence,
I cried when you told me that I don't ever do anything,
And I never picked up the phone,
It never even rang in my company,
And you keep wondering why I keep placing the blame on you,
When over and over you boil my anger,
And flood my ocean of tears,
You're just lucky I learned,
Your hands around my throat,
That it's better if I just bite my lip,
Don't you dare tell me to get my hands off my hips,
Because I have a lot of things to say,
And you wouldn't be happy if I actually opened my mouth.

-Joshua Banks JJAJ