When Sanity is Lost

252

Patience, waiting for the moment,

That the frustrating anxiety,

Goes away, Don't you understand every time you walk into my company,

For some reason, I don't feel like searching for a home,

And everything time I run my hands through my hair,

I sigh knowing at it never could be quite enough,

And what about the fact my arms are narrow and don't face the right way to hold a bow,

Although I try to defy, What is it you question why,

I am so distant when I am so busy trying to keep the demons calm in the hot water,

Know it isn't enough I but I can not stand anymore,

Not one more,

Oh why is it that I find myself belittled and told myself could never stand up tall,

My chest has yet to cave completely in but rarely do you catch the chance my shoulders aren't.

It scares me how much I put myself through,

Can't shake it off by saying it's all in my head,

It rattles out even louder,

Can't tell me to cool the water than stings pale skin,

And just suddenly as it goes and instead of turning it down it goes up,

I wonder why I make myself cry,

Knowing the red tint left to my skin,

Is likely the only reason I dare even get in.

Tears in my eyes as I know I'll get out and wish for more,

Don't you understand that it's not me that I care for,

Because everything I close my eyes I shudder,

Caught up in what's wrong with me,

I wonder if I'll ever win the war,

Can not help but close my eyes,

Shudder and wonder how much longer it will go on,

Wanting to believe I was built strong,

When I am oh so tired that I fall back down into my bed,

And the lights stay on but my mind goes out.

I will never to be able to turn the light out,

Knowing I feel as if I can not ever,

Get the peace to love you,

I know that I admit that I'm awfully tired,

Of the wars, I put myself through,

And I wonder how you dare to stay,

Even though I feel as if,

I keep floating in and out,

Consistently wonder if I'm falling out of line.

I wonder what it is that has embedded into my brain,

Just hoping I'm driving straight enough to stay in the lane,

Don't you understand that I'm so tired of having to have the patience,

To give it all to you,

But I can not give it up for anyone else,

I'm oh so tired of what,

I have come to notice is so silent,

But it rings out so loud,

I wonder what it is that makes these tears bubble over time and time again,

Can not find a verse that tells me this is sin

Wonder what time there is to gain,

And when I am going to be able to travel back to you again.

Awful the prisons I place myself in.

-Joshua Banks JJAJ