Take me down,
Slow the thoughts in my head,
Biting holes in my lips,
As my shirts are stained in an anxious sweat,
That I can not seem to ever wipe off of my brow,
I promised I wouldn't,
So I cringe at the hot water I put my hands in,
And the red welts on my wrist,
That comes from the rubber bands I try so hard to forget,
And it's not quite red enough.
Hold my breath as I force myself to forget,
The scars on the walls,
And the high that placed them there,
Knowing not another living soul wants me wasted,
I was asked today a question that stopped me dead in my tracks,
"Are you losing weight?"
Not a single thought about my appetite,
Not until you said something.
"Are you trying to?"
I stumble over a no,
And finally, you leave me alone,
And I realize that there was truth in that no.
Run to the mirror and interrogate the size of my waist,
And what exactly it's doing sticking me out there like that.
So I force a few red lines across it that barely leave my skin red,
My nails never did as much as steel,
But I threw that away a long time ago,
Tell myself I'm content,
Looking in the mirror.
"It would kill me if I knew"
I know I shouldn't,
Couldn't admire the red lines that adore my chest,
Wishing it wasn't there at all,
Hoping I'll quit,
Knowing I have,
The red lines won't turn white,
And the sting has long since gone,
But I'm afraid,
That being as my chest didn't go with it,
"It would kill me if I knew"
And it does kill me,
Knowing what I know,
Having to get out of the shower the rest of my skin just as red as the lines,
My nails put across my chest,
My stomach and everywhere else,
That they could reach,
But at least the red doesn't flow.
-Joshua Banks JJAJ
YOU ARE READING
When Sanity is Lost
PoetryAnd I just couldn't stop, before I knew it I was picking the pen up again. My second book in process this is soon to begin editing once my last one is done. As always hope you enjoy and find my insta @these.are.true.feelings
