When Sanity is Lost

226

It's this that kills me,
Having to strip it all down,
I didn't know this was PE.
That I had to exercise the being of me,
To take it off at the end of the day,
Even looking forward to soccer next year,
The kind I'm scared of,
Show up and let my fear drive me through the field,
I've already decided I'm gonna do it,
Isn't it funny how this impulse,
I can not seem to react,
But I know you think it's just an act,
But don't you understand it's not just inside my head,
It's my painful heart,
And every living part of me,
Drive me crazy,
I'm honestly still scared
But the scars on my arm,
The natives tell me is only grieving,
And the way I feel is just how it is meant to be,
People notice think their new,
People I've known for years,
Even though it's been over a year,
Their still scared just like me.

And the Christians,
Ought as well to burn me down,
Because I've done so much wrong,
Written right there in the Bible,
I know I'm going to hell,
So I'm just gonna spit my fire,
And believe that even the devil is a fallen angel,
I'm not so sure I like the way I am at home,
They don't understand,
That I can't stand to walk around in the shoes you put me in when I was little,
Can we just get rid of them they squeeze my toes,
My feet so big,
I keep walking around,
My feet too big,
And my heart low,
And you can't stand,
I'm so sorry I fit in my shoes no more,
I'm sorry about the scars on my arm,
The pressure on my chest,
And the lump in my throat,
The only thing is my tears are caught there too,
You don't understand that I'm going crazy,
Because I can not bring myself to tell you,
I need a new pair of shoes,
I have worn through mine,
And my toes are too big.
I can't even bring my self to tell you,
Let you figure it out,
You've always wanted a game,
And quickly you'll figure out,
I've given in so much,
I'm starting to shake you off and wear myself out,
My heart pounds loud enough,
My head pounds along with it,
And my feet run alongside it,
I can not turn it all in to fuel for whatever I do,
Everything I do has a somber tone,
Even if it's in the background,
The thing that drives me is my pain,
And the way my heart pounds in fear.
Tell me I'm telling it to you wrong,
Putting myself right out there for my beatings,
Take my heart and run into line,
Just like a dog that comes when you call.
You don't understand you don't care,
I cannot seem to care either,
Waiting to die and racing to the end.
-Joshua Banks JJAJ