How To NOT Be Straight✓

10: A Stone

Growing up I've always wondered what it felt like to be nervous. Like, fucking nervous. I haven't been the type to feel intensely nervous whenever something happened or is about to happen, I'd either suck it up and try to hype myself up, but I never really thought I'd get nervous.

And right now, I'm fucking nervous.

I fiddled with the whiteboard marker that Mr Dale handed me as he left his vacant class, looking at each of the people I called in. I made sure to study each of them: Emily the introvert, Felix the fighter, Rose the vigilante, Darren the depressing, and Chloe the clinger. Now, these aren't their real names, just names that everyone has given each one of them. This type of unease oozing out of me as I face them could be for many reasons, but one stuck out like a sore thumb: I'm doing something I'm passionate about, and it's so fucking terrifying.

"Cam, it would be nice if you told us why you wanted us here," Roseanne said, looking at me with an intense fire burning in her eyes. "I mean, we could be studying but we're here."

"You're right, you could be studying but you're here." I nodded. "You're here because you all believe in a change, and think that I can do it."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm leaving." She turned on her heel, beginning to walk away.

"Wouldn't you like it if we could live in a world where we could be free and not care about whatever people say?" She stopped in her tracks and I continued. "Like, a world where we could express ourselves freely without being ridiculed."

She turned around, her expression incredulous. "That's impossible, Cameron."

"I agree with the rebel kid, it's impossible," Felix piped up. "Just because you can speak up doesn't mean anyone will hear you."

"That's why I need your help," I argued. "I may have a big mouth-"

"Really big," Emily muttered.

"What was that, sis?" Rose walked towards her, peering down at poor Emily. "What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Thought so." Roseanne focused on me again.

"Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by Emily." I turned to the whiteboard and began to write. "I may have a big mouth, but I'd like to use it for good, to promote good, to make a better social future for our school going forward." I finished writing and turned to the confused faces. "I want to start a social rights club."

Silence.

"Listen, I know we've all been subject to mental abuse because we couldn't fit into social standards, hell, I'll even name you out one by one." I pointed at Emily. "You're quiet and everyone hates a quiet introverted girl, but you're actually a sweetheart who believes in caring for others more than yourself." I pointed at Felix. "People think you're a bully because you get into so many fights, but the reason you do is because you want to release your anger." I pointed at Chloe. "People think you're clingy but you're actually the sweetest, most adorable soul ever." I then pointed at Darren. "People don't associate with you because they think you're a depressed kid who always mopes in his sorrows, but that's far from the truth, I know you Darren, and you aren't like that." I finally turned to Rose, who walked up to me. "And you....people think you're backstabbing wacko because of what you did to me last year."

We stared at each other I'm silence for a while, before she spoke. "So what, Cam? What do you want us to do about it?"

"I want to be the one to raise awareness, help people realize that this is an issue." I moved away from her. "People all over the world are being judged and ridiculed for trivial things such as who they love or what they used to do. It's no different in highschool." I continued. "Here it's actually worse. We're controlled by this invisible thing called a stigma, and decide to terrorize students because of things they either can't control at the moment, things that they used to do, or even who they are as an individual. I believe we need to make a change, start a club, and raise awareness."

I took a few steps closer. "Guys, you might not like me, but we need to work together. Each one of you know that this is a societal problem, and we have to fix it. If we can't do the job, at least we can say we tried."

"Why don't you start it alone then? Why do you need us?" Darren asked quietly.

"Because I can't do it alone, and I admit it. You've all seen how ridiculed and bullied I've been ever since coming out, and I thought I could face this alone, but...I can't. I can't do it alone because I'm just one person," I admitted, the vulnerability in my voice speaking volumes for me. "Guys, all I'm asking for is this one favor; start the club with me, and we can move forward. We need a change in this society about their social standards, and if we can't change the whole world like I wish we could, we could at least change this school." I finished. "Please, that's all I'm asking for."

There was silence once again, and Emily stood up, walked over to me, and gave me a nod. Darren followed, standing besides Emily, forming a half circle. Felix looked hesitant at first, but then his impassive face returned, and stood up as well, walking over to my side. Chloe did the same, standing by Darren and giving him a little smile.

The only person left was Roseanne.

She stood far away from us, evading my gaze. "Why do you believe in us, Cam? What happened to the 'I'm an island to myself' girl? The girl that doesn't give a damn about other people but herself? Huh, what happened?"

I didn't waiver as I spoke the next few words. "I don't care about what people think of me, I care about what I think of myself even after all the negativity. I care about making a change for the better. I care about the young people out there that are being stigmatized because of different reasons. I care about that, Roseanne, and you should know that, because we were friends when I first made that promise."

Everyone turned to look at her, watching Roseanne's reaction to my stark revelation. Rose and I were friends, but after I came out...things changed, the stigma began, and the rumors ruled her mind; 'Cameron is falling in love with Rose', 'Rose and Cameron were caught kissing in the restroom', 'Cam this, Cam that', and apparently it was too much for her. So we parted ways, became enemies, and never spoke again. Not until today.

She took a couple of steps closer to us, standing in the gap between Chloe and Felix. She showed me a little smile.

"You're passionate, aren't you?"

I nodded. "We can be the stone thrown in the water to cause a ripple. We can be the stone."

Her weak smile turned into a grin. "Alright then." She gave me a nod, as if confirming what I had already said. "Let's do it, Jones."