How To NOT Be Straight✓

45: I'm Still Your Daughter (Part 2)

"So you're not going to sit?" My dad asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think I need to."

"Suit yourself, I guess." He mumbled. "Jenna, take it from here, I have nothing to say to her."

"Jason." She warned.

"Figured." I shrugged. "I'll be on my way then."

"Cameron, baby, please." My mother plead while I turned to go. "We want to understand. I want to understand."

"You're never going to understand it, nor accept it, so what do you want me to do?" I scoffed, walking to the door. "I'm done with this."

"Cameron, I'm not mad at you." I stopped at the door as she said that. "Please, sit."

"I hate to admit this but Cameron, let's talk about this." My dad suddenly said. "Even if we disagree, it's better we air our grievances out."

I turned back around and chuckled. "What do you know about airing out grievances? You, a pastor, couldn't even let your daughter explain how she feels."

"I was angry, Cameron." He frowned. "I'm okay now. You know how the bible says in moments of anger-"

"Can you stop all your biblical talk and let me fucking talk dad?!" I yelled, stomping on the ground.

"Cameron Joanne Jones-"

"No, don't you call me a Jones!" I pointed at him. "I don't want to be associated with a family that won't believe in self expression. I don't want to be apart of a family that uses the bible as a weapon instead of a guide-"

"Cameron, the bible says-"

"Dad I don't need a fucking pastor I need a father!" I snapped, and they went silent. "I want a father first, that's all I've ever wanted. I want to be free with my parents, free to express myself, free to talk to them about anything without being ashamed. Parents that are going to accept me as I am."

"But how do we accept you if you don't tell us your true feelings?"

"You want to know why I never told you?" I took a few steps closer to them. "Because I knew this would happen. I knew you'd disown me and never speak to me again. I knew you'd defend your religion over your daughter any day. And I knew you'd use the bible against me and try to make me feel bad about it. But guess what? I don't. I like girls, okay? I like girls. There's nothing that will change my mind."

"Cameron, like I said-"

"No, dad." I stopped him. "I have been hiding who I am for the longest time. I've struggled with these feelings in silence because I knew my church parents would never understand, would try and pray it away, and would judge me. So I hid. I hid from my true self, I hid behind a veneer. A veil, a curtain. All because I knew that my parents would never accept who I am. I buried my feelings so deep and acted like I didn't give a damn when I did." I whispered the last sentence. "That's what you didn't know because you thought I was going through my rebellious phase, but in reality I was trying to discover who I am without anyone helping me, and doing that only killed me inside."

I took another step closer. "I was alone. All alone. No one helped me. Everyone ridiculed me at school and I had to shrug it off like it was nothing. It was something, dad. Something." I put a hand to my chest. "The worst part is I couldn't go to my fucking parents because you know what they'd say? They'd tell me to pray it off or even read the Bible. But that's the problem right there-"

"How is it a problem? Are you not a Chris-"

"I don't need the bible all the time, I need my parents!" I shut him up. "I need support from my own fucking family. I need my mom to hold me and say it's okay, I need my dad to tell me that he loves me. I need my sister to call me and reassure me that I'll get through this. I need..." My voice hitched in my throat and my mom immediately stood up.

She walked over to me and hugged me as I burst into tears, sobbing. "I need my parents to love me because I'm still their daughter, and I'll always be their daughter."

She clung onto me and I continued to sob before she let go. My dad was now standing, and he took a step closer to me.

"Are you done?"

I wiped the tear from my left eye and sniffed. "I'm not, there are just some things that I want to say but I can't because my heart gets so heavy and my eyes water so much that my tears speak for me when my lips can't utter the words."

"Cameron, come here daughter." He said, and opened his arms wide.

I walked over to him and he enclosed me in a hug. The tears came once again, and I began to cry but this time, he didn't silence me, he rubbed my back until I felt better.

"Cameron, darling." He pushed me away gently. "I know your pain. Trust me, I know it. Growing up I never had anyone to confide in and therefore it slipped into my parenting phase, and I know it was wrong." He knelt before me. "How I handled your situation was wrong. I was immature and blind to my own faults and the needs of my daughter. I promise you, from now on, I will be there for you."

"I agree with your father." Mom added, putting a hand on my shoulder. "No matter what you're going through or whatever is happening, you need us because we're your parents. And we need to be your friend too."

"Dad, mom?" I looked at both of them. "I'm sorry I was never open with you guys to begin with. It's just that the whole religion thing got in the way and I started seeing you as pastors and not parents. I apologize."

"If there's anyone that should apologise it's me." Dad cleared his throat. "Cameron, I don't care who you love or who you sleep with, as long as you're happy and as long as you're not doing anything extreme, I'll be fine with it." He stood up. "You're still our daughter, and as our daughter you need to be treated like family, and be able to confide with us. I may not necessarily like you being homosexual, but I will live with it and not bother you about it."

"Really?" I looked up at him.

"Yes, besides, I know you're with the girl next door." He chuckled. "It was obvious."

"I-" I was at a loss for words, and just hugged my dad again.

He lifted me up and spun me around while I squealed in delight. When he put me down, he kissed my forehead.

"You're always going to be my daughter and I'm so, so proud of everything you've done, Cameron." He whispered. "I'm sorry I hadn't shown you this earlier."

"It's okay, dad." I smiled. "So I can move back in?"

"Is that even a question?" I jumped up and down before he stopped me. "Cameron?"

"Dad?"

"I love you." He grinned at me, pulling my mom closer to him as they both stared at me. "We love you. For who you are."

And as we went to the kitchen together, I realized that's all I ever wanted. To be loved and accepted for not who they want me to be, but who I am.