How To NOT Be Straight✓

30: The Fool

Ever since Blake and I talked, something's changed. It's like she's holding back, less open with me, and afraid. I don't know why, but it bothers me, and I can't do anything about it because I know she won't open up.

Sometimes I feel like the fool, like I'm stupid and maybe I was wrong in liking Blake. Now that I look at it, her and I were just supposed to be friends, nothing more. Because right now, I swear I can't see the girl I once loved. I can't see that, I can only see Blake.

At least that's who I think I see.

She's dyed her hair pink and red is now her significant color. As an art student, red represents some sort of rebellious feature to her. It's cute, but I just feel like without seeing her platinum blonde hair everyday throws me off. Now, all I see is the strawberry pink hair in my face all the time.

"Cameron? Hello?" She waved her hand in front of my face. "You zoned out for a couple of minutes."

I took a sip of my chocolate milkshake and then stared at her. "Blake, can we talk?"

"We're talking right now aren't we?" She cooed, taking a bite out of her sandwich. "Besides, I have to get home before 5."

"It's only 3, we still have time." I told her. "Blake, something's changed between us."

"What exactly?"

"It's like... it's like you're holding back from me." I explained. "Ever since I told you how I felt, you've looked at me differently. Like you don't want to even associate with me at all."

She frowned. "Cameron, that's not true. I just feel like I was a little harsh on you when you told me how you felt, that's why I acted like that. And if I'm acting like that even now, I'm doing it unintentionally. I swear."

I frowned, and didn't respond.

"Cameron, you trust me, don't you?" She asked, putting her hand on top of mine. "You have to believe me."

"I do." I whispered.

"You what? I didn't hear you Cam." She smiled a bit.

"I trust you." I repeated a little louder, getting up much to her dismay.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Just know that I trust you." I replied. "And I really, really hope I don't regret that decision."

I took my milkshake and left the change on the table with Blake, walking out the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I knocked 5 times, and waited for a response. My parents did say I'd have to be home by 6, and it was only 4, so I had all the time in the world.

I didn't want to go to her house wearing Sunday clothes, nor did I want to see her on a Sunday. But fuck it, my Spidey senses are at an all time high, and I think she has the answers I need.

She opened the door, surprised. "Well, well, well. Look who decided to show up. Are you now a part of Jehovah's Witness? Because you did dress-"

I walked past her without saying a word to her. I greeted her mother and went up the stairs to her bedroom. It was still the same as it was 2 years ago; the same blue walls with pictures of her and her family, and to my surprise, the pictures of her and I were still up. I looked at one, seeing Rose and I smiling into the camera as we held one another.

The door closed, and I turned around. "I didn't invite you in, Cameron." Rose muttered. "Get out of my room."

"You still have these pictures?" I asked her, pointing at one.

"Get out." She repeated. "Now."

"Rose, please just let me talk to you." She remained silent. "I need to know what you know about Blake."

"What?"

"I don't know, Rose, but something is terribly wrong. She isn't acting like the girl I used to know, and she's blaming it on my confession last year."

Rose gave me a loop sided grin. "You finally see it? You see what I see?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said.

"She's not the girl you think she is and you're finally seeing it." Rose continued. "Look at it this way, Cameron, maybe after your confession she realized that she's homophobic and doesn't want to associate with you anymore. It's the only logical explanation."

"But if she's homophobic, then why would she want me back in her life?" I asked. "It's not making sense, Roseanne."

"Maybe because she wants to keep you in place." Rose suggested. "Cameron, you and I both know Blake is a manipulative rich kid, she's trying to keep you in place. There's something she's hiding, I swear."

"But what, Roseanne? What is she hiding?" I asked. "I can't seem to put my foot on it."

"Maybe she's found a boyfriend or something, or maybe she's found-"

"She would've told me, Rose." I muttered. "I'm her-"

"Don't forget you came to me saying she's acting different." She interrupted me. "She's been acting weird to you so don't defend her."

"So what's your final conclusion?"

"Think about it for a bit, and then make a conclusion. Because your feelings may be keeping you from seeing the truth as it already is. Or maybe," She came closer. "Your mixed up emotions for both Alexis and Blake are keeping you confused."

"I don't have feelings for Alexis." I pointed out. "She's just a friend."

"Right, keep denying the truth, Cameron." She chuckled. "Everyone sees the way you look at her, and the way you comfort her. Even Blake noticed how you talk to Alexis and how you seem to care about her. Hell, you don't like showing emotion to anyone."

"I show it to those I care about-"

"See? You admitted it! You like her!" Rose clapped her hands.

"No."

"Stop denying it Cammie!" Rose touched my cheeks. "You like her and she likes you."

"Shut up."

"Cameron and Alexis, sitting in a tree, k-"

"You finish that song we fight homie." I threatened, and she playfully pushed me.

"Think about what I said as you leave. Blake's a snake, Alexis likes you, and you should be with her. Trust me, Cameron, don't be a fool. Think about all this."

I looked into her eyes, and gave her a small nod. "I'll take your word for it."

"Good, one thing you're actually doing right in your life." She scoffed.  "I need you to do me a favor, and get out of my house, okay?"

"Your wish is my command." I gave her a pat on the shoulder. "But before I leave, are we...you know, friends?"

Rose looked me up and down. "Cameron, leave."

"I-"

"We're not going to talk about this today." She muttered. "I'll see you tomorrow at school, okay?"

"Fine." I said quietly, walking out of her bedroom, the photo of us on her wall still engraved in my mind.