The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Fiercely

Elle

When I think back on this summer, I can't help but smile. Noah and I weren't back to normal, because I'm not sure we ever had a normal. Instead we seemed to have found a new way to be around each other. There's still something there, at least for me, but it was like there was an unspoken agreement that this wasn't the time to consider that. I let myself enjoy his company when we happened to run into each other at the beach house or the Flynn's and it was just nice. In all the drama of what happened before, I'd almost forgotten about his fun, goofy side.

It's about a month into the semester and I'm back at home for Sunday dinner with Dad and Brad. Linda is out of town for the weekend so it's just the three of us and it feels like old times. Dad sends Brad upstairs after dinner to finish his homework before school tomorrow and so it's just him and I doing the dishes. He's making small talk, asking me about school and my friends but I can sense he's got other things on his mind.

"Elle, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Yeah? What's up?"

Dad looks nervous and that makes me a little nervous too.

"Well, Linda and I...I guess we're getting pretty serious." He stops and looks up at me.

"Yeah, Dad, I know. That's good right?"

"Well I think so. In fact, I'm thinking about asking her to marry me."

I'd had a feeling this might happen. "Yeah, okay. Look Dad, I see what a difference having her in your life has made. I like Linda. I'm happy for you, really."

He lets out a big breath and smiles. "Thanks Ellie-bear. I just wanted to tell you before I did anything. But, if I ask her and she says yes, then we're going to need to live together full time."

"Well, yeah. That's pretty obvious, Dad." I wasn't getting what the big deal was. Surely Linda would move in here, wouldn't she? She was basically here all the time anyway.

"The thing is, I think it would be best if we got a place together. Somewhere that's just ours. Not her place, or mine." His eyes were pleading as he continued. "Elle, I need this to be a fresh start with Linda. It isn't fair of me to expect her to move in here. This was the place your mother and I bought together. There are just too many memories here."

"Yeah Dad, all my memories, all Brad's memories, of Mom are here!"

"Elle..."

"No Dad, you can't do this! You can't get rid of this house!"

"Elle, I can't afford to keep this place and buy into another house too. I'm going to have to put it up for sale. Not right away, probably in a few months..."

"I can't believe this! I can't..." I grabbed my purse and keys and ran out the door as the tears started pricking my eyes. I drove without thinking about where I was going, and before I knew it I was at the Hollywood sign.

I hadn't been here in a long time, but I found the track easily and made my way down to the spot in front of the L and sat down, looking at all the lights spread out below me. I pulled at the grass next to me and thought about how this place used to remind me of beginnings, but now it just made me think of endings. First me and Noah and now I was coming to terms with the end of my childhood. That's what Dad selling the house felt like. More than going away to college had, more than leaving behind my teenage years. What I felt was a huge sense of loss.

I didn't speak to Dad for a couple of weeks. I just didn't have the words to express how much this felt like Mom was being taken away from me all over again. I went to her grave to tell her all about it and that's where Dad found me.

"Elle, you need to talk to me."

"Dad, I don't know what to say. Rationally I know what you said makes sense, really I do. I just...I'd never thought about you selling the house. Our home. Mom's home."

"But that's just it Elle, it's your Mom's home. I don't know that it can be Linda's too. I know this is hard, but you're already living away from home Elle. What do you think will happen once you finish school and start working?"

I toyed with my bracelet, not looking at my dad. "I guess I'll get a place of my own."

"Exactly. You don't have to live there Elle. Every day I feel the absence of your Mom in that house. I'll never forget her, but it would be nice not be reminded so much of what I've lost."
He rests his hand on Mom's gravestone and I see the tear start to run down his cheek before he wipes it away.

I thought about when I'd packed up my things for college and how I couldn't face even seeing Noah's hoodie in my wardrobe. I couldn't even imagine what it was like for Dad to see all the things of Mom's in our house every day. I stood up and wrapped my arm around his, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry Dad. I was being selfish. I never stopped to think about how hard it was for you to stay there. I know you did it for me and Brad, but you're right. It's time. You deserve a fresh start with Linda." I smiled up at him. "That is of course if she says yes."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, kiddo." He wrapped me in a hug and we stood there for a long time.

Of course, Linda did say yes when he asked her a couple of weeks later.

And that's how I found myself in my old room on Thanksgiving weekend, once again staring into my wardrobe. I'd left it 'til last. It wasn't like I had to get rid of everything, I would still technically have a room at the new house. But whatever I wanted moved had to be properly packed into boxes and labelled. I pulled out all those items I'd shoved to the far end of the rack last time, throwing them on the bed.

My prom dress and senior uniform were no brainers. They were sentimental items and so I packed them neatly in a box. But what was I supposed to do with all Noah's stuff. It seemed kind of weird to keep it all, but I couldn't bear to just throw it away. There were also the gifts Noah had given me. The Harvard hoodie he'd sent with my plane ticket to Boston. The leather jacket he'd given me that I hadn't worn since I'd returned his motorcycle.

I sat on the floor leaning against my bed and cried, about Noah, about my Mom and about having to leave this house. I put my head in my hands and sobbed through my fingers. That's how Lee found me. He brushed my hair back behind my ears and kissed the top of my head. I watched on as he carefully folded all the items on the bed and placed them in the box without saying a word. He taped it up and wrote on it with the permanent marker:

Elle - Sentimental

Then he pulled me up by my hands and hugged me fiercely.