The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

Still

Elle

Ugh, I'm an idiot. I should have kept that particular thought to myself, or at the very least, talked to someone else about it, like June, instead of Noah. He's so big and seems so tough most of the time that I forget that underneath it all, he still needs reassurance from me. I know it all stems from mine and Lee's friendship and the fact that we basically excluded him most of the time when we were kids. But then he started acting too cool for us anyway, like he didn't even want to be included, and I guess we still have some hang ups left over from those days. We've never really addressed it, Noah and I.

Lee and I kind of thrashed it out the first time Noah and I dated. But Noah and I have never really talked about it, and definitely not since we've been back together. Looking back on everything that happened last time, I guess that Noah still has a lot of memories of me seeming to choose Lee that summer, over him. And as much as mine and Lee's relationship has changed over the years, Noah hasn't been around again long enough yet to see much of that change. Plus we're probably guilty of falling back into old patterns now that we're all back together again.

Then you go and throw my little melancholy moment there on top of it all, and no wonder Noah reacted the way he did. I look over at him, elbows leaning on the bar, shoulders hunched. I know it's going to take more than words to fix this, but the words have to come first. I drain my glass and head over to him.

"Noah?"

He looks at me with sad eyes and I just want to make everything better for him.

"Come with me."

I grab his arm and he lets me drag him away from the crowd. When we stop and sit on a bench outside in the garden, he surprises me by starting to talk.

"Elle, look, I just overreacted alright? I pushed you to tell me and I probably should have just let it go. It's not that I'm jealous of Lee or anything, it's just that sometimes it's hard knowing that I'm not-"

"Noah, stop. Look at me."

He looks up and I take one of his hands in both of mine.

"I need you to understand something. Lee has been my best friend my whole life. But I never chose him. I mean, it wasn't really a choice. He's just always been there, and we could have grown apart, but we didn't. Don't get me wrong, I love Lee and I was just hoping that him getting married doesn't mean we'll grow apart too much now. But I never consciously chose to have him in my life from the start, Noah. You're the person I chose. I chose you that night after the kissing booth, at the sign, at my 17th birthday party, senior year, Harvard, I chose you. I'm not saying it's always been clear cut and easy, we both know it hasn't. But I chose you then and I choose you now."

I put one hand on his cheek. "You're the one I can't bear to be without, Noah, and I'm sorry I made you feel like you weren't."

He gives me a half smile. "Well I guess when you put it like that..."

I kiss his forehead, his nose and then his lips. "Lee's my best friend. But you're my person, Noah. You need to get that straight in that big brain of yours. It's not an either/or situation. It's completely different, the way I feel about Lee versus the way I feel about you."

"Well I certainly hope so," Noah smirks at me and I guess he's starting to feeling better about this if he's joking around. I know this is probably only round one of this conversation, but for now I let it go.

I nod and grin at him. "Oh it is. It definitely is."

I find myself being pulled sideways onto his lap, and I put my arms around his neck as he kisses me.