The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

End

Noah

The final semester of law school was kicking my butt. It was like every one of the professors had saved up all their vengeance over the last three years and were only now releasing it. The workload was insane. Chloe did warn me, but I really thought she'd been exaggerating.

Nope. It was even worse than she'd described. I realise that working in a law firm is going to be intense, and that law school is meant to prepare us for that, but it seems like all that preparation is suddenly being thrown at us in the last semester. A trial by fire if you will. Like if you survive this, then you might actually cut it at a firm after graduation.

But it isn't even about just surviving, you have to do well. Like, really well. I've never studied so much in all my life. I've never been so scared in all my life. Scared of failure, anyway. So much for the happy bubble that had existed over the holiday period.

I can't believe it was only about six weeks ago that I went to visit Hayley's family for Christmas. I'd felt so confident after that, so on track. One semester of law school to go. Just one more semester of college, just another one, the same as the last thirteen. And then at the end, like a light at the end of the tunnel, life.

Now that end goal seemed hopelessly far away. I was buried under the weight of it, and so was Hayley. At least we both felt the same insane pressure and could sympathise with one another. I'd heard about people's relationships busting under the stress of it all, and now that I was in it, I could completely understand that.

If Hayley hadn't been going through exactly the same thing, I don't know how we would have survived. As it was, things were a little strained. I tried to bring up plans for after graduation, which probably wasn't the smartest move given how stressed out we both were, and it didn't go well.

"Noah! I don't have the brain capacity to think about anything more at the moment!" Hayley fumed when I suggested we should talk about it.

"Yeah okay, I get that, but we can't just pretend that graduation is coming and that life will go on."

"Yeah well if I don't pass this exam, I won't be graduating, so can you just drop it?"

"Hayley, come on, you know you're going to pass..."

"No! I don't know that!" She's so flustered now and I feel like a complete ass for adding this weight to her load. I hadn't realised she was this stressed out.

"Hey, it's okay, it's all going to be fine." I try to pull her into a hug, but she pushes me away.

"Noah, I can't right now, okay? I just need to focus and get all this stuff into my head." She waves the textbook she's holding in her right hand.

"Okay, sure, don't worry about it."

"Look, I think I'm just going to go back to my place, yeah? Just for tonight. I need to get my head in the game."

I shrug, not wanting to make her feel bad, even though I was a bit stung. "No problem. I'll catch up with you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Sure, yeah, that would be good." Hayley packs up her stuff and bends to kiss me on the forehead, before walking out the door.

Well shit, that hadn't gone well. Now I definitely can't concentrate. I give up trying to read the words on the page and decide to go for a run instead. I need to get out of my apartment and switch off my brain. I change, stick my earbuds in and head out the door.

I'm about half way through my chosen route when a call comes through. I'm about to decline it without looking at who it is, but then I wonder if it might be Hayley and I check the screen. Nope, it's not Hayley, but the name I see does bring a smile to my face. I press answer as I stop to stretch. 

"Hi Chloe."

"Hello Ugly."

"What's up?"

"Oh you know me, winning at life. I just wanted to check in and see how hell month was going?"

"Hell month? More like hell season."

I hear Chloe chuckle. "I did try to warn you..."

"I know. And you weren't wrong. If anything I think you might have understated just how horrific it actually is."

"Yep, it's totally shit. I still have flashbacks."

"Great, there's something to look forward to," I laugh.

"Definitely. So what are you doing? You sound like you're out of breath. Wait, do I want to know?"

"I'm running Chloe." Even to me, my voice sounds flat.

"I see. Am I detecting a hint of trouble in paradise?"

I snort. "Yeah, you could say that."

"Want to talk about it? I've got time."

"No, but I probably should. I was an idiot...."

"Well that's nothing new, but tell me how were you an idiot this particular time?"

I tell Chloe all about the fight, and about what I'd been trying to discuss with Hayley. She's sympathetic to my cause, but does agree that today probably wasn't the time to bring it up.

"You do like to make things complicated for yourself, don't you?" Chloe chuckles.

"I just don't want to pretend like in a couple of week's time we're not going to have to start making some decisions..." I reply.

"Well that's true, but have you actually stopped to think about what you really want? You know, what you picture your life looking like?"

"Well I don't want us to break up, Clo."

"Okay, that's a ringing endorsement," she says sarcastically.

"You know what I mean."

"I do, but you really need to think about what's best for you. And then, once you make it through this crazy couple of weeks, and neither of you is suffering from sleep deprivation and anxiety, you need to ask her what she wants."

"Yeah okay, point made." I know that Chloe is gently referring to my old habit of making decisions without asking the other person what they want. And she's right, of course, the last time I did that, it didn't work out so well. I resolve to think about my side of the equation, and to hold off on bringing the topic up again with Hayley until after graduation.

"Alright, enough of me - distract me. What's going on with you? Still keeping Charles around?"

Chloe's throaty laugh reaches my ears. "Now there's a story...."

The next morning I take Hayley a coffee and a danish from the bakery she loves near her apartment. She smiles when she opens the door.

"I'm sorry," I say, handing over the peace offering.

"Me too," she replies, reaching up on tip toes to kiss my cheek.

Neither of us brings up that particular topic again, and things return to a hectic kind of normal.

I put my pen down and read over my exam paper, checking all my answers one last time. Satisfied that I haven't made any stupid mistakes, I collect my things and walk to the front of the room. I hand my paper to the supervisor and get my name checked off the list. I walk out of the room and through the foyer of the building, pushing the doors open to the outside. Sunlight hits my face and I close my eyes for a moment, breathing deeply. I smile, knowing that after seven long years, my time at Harvard is at an end.