The Missing Years - a kissing booth fan fiction

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Elle

Noah's been preoccupied all night and I'm wondering if I should ask him outright what's bothering him or wait and let him get there on his own. Lee was acting weird when I spoke to him earlier too, and I'm just hoping they haven't had an argument that neither of them wants to talk to me about. We're back at Noah's apartment after dinner, watching a movie. Well, I'm watching the movie. Noah is picking at the seam of a cushion, tension radiating off him. I can't take it anymore and press pause on the remote.

"Whatever it is, just spill it, Noah."

He looks up at me questioningly, "What?" 

"Come on, you've been weird all night and you're making me jumpy. Whatever's going on in that brain of yours, just get it out."

"Okay." Noah takes a deep breath and blows it out. "Lee came to see me today."

"Please tell me you guys didn't have a fight or something. You know he's been stressed about all the wedding stuff..."

"No, no, nothing like that. But he did want to talk to me about something to do with the wedding. Rachel's aunt and uncle are visiting with her cousin Liz and Rachel asked her to be her bridesmaid."

"Okay..."

"Elle, Liz and I went to Harvard together. We met junior year when Rachel came to visit one weekend."

I'm starting to get a sinking feeling. Noah and I have largely avoided the topic of our dating lives during our time apart because, really, who wants to know about that? Noah obviously now knows that I dated Alex, but we definitely haven't discussed the details.

Noah grabs my hand. "Elle, we were friends, but it was also more than that. But we weren't dating."

"What does that mean, exactly?"

Noah runs his free hand through his hair, a nervous habit of his.

"Ugh, this is kind of weird and embarrassing to talk about. But I want to be honest with you. Elle, after we...broke up, I was a mess. I didn't go out really, I was pretty miserable for a long time. I didn't really date and I didn't want to. I'm not saying any of this for sympathy, it's just context, okay?"

I just nod, not knowing what to say.

"I definitely wasn't ready for a relationship when I met Liz. She knew that and she wasn't looking for one either. She suggested an arrangement that was... mutually beneficial."

The penny drops and my first, somewhat irrational, reaction is to laugh. "So you were friends with benefits?" I choke out. "That's what you've been trying to tell me?"

Noah's eyes are wide as he nods.

"Oh my god! Noah! Of all people! Rachel's cousin!" I'm basically hysterical with laughter now.

Noah's hand is now covering his face. "I know," he groans.

My laughter subsides and I lean over to him. "Hey, come on. Hey," I pull his hand away from his face. "I'm not going to say this isn't weird. Actually that's why I laughed, because it's absurd."

"It is absurd. Obviously in hindsight, it is. But at the time? I had no idea that Lee and Rachel would get back together let alone be getting married one day. And us? Well I always hoped...but at that particular time it seemed like a long shot at best."

"I know. Look Noah, we have to be realistic about this. We were apart for six years. We can't be naïve about the fact that we both had relationships during that time. Whatever your relationship with Liz was, well, yeah I'd prefer not to know about it, but we're going to have to deal with this."