A Soldier I Will Be | Destiel and Sabrifer |

Empty Promises

Lucifer was beginning to crack. From losing his mask from time to time, to breaking out in tears at random moments, he could tell he was losing his grip on reality. Soon, Sam would realize what he had been doing, and would kick him out, leaving him all alone in this world.

He was putting the kids to bed, having offered to watch them so Gabriel and Sam could visit the mourning Winchesters, when Carrie hugged him tightly around the neck suddenly. He was surprised by the suddenness, but she always did this, so he hugged her back gently, his heart warming in his chest. Jake was already asleep in the other bed.

"I'm sorry you're hurting." Carrie piped softly, her high pitched voice like a melody in Lucifer's ears. He felt tears sting the back of his eyes, and he kissed her on the head gently.

"I'm not hurting, Carrie. Don't worry about me." Lucifer whispered into her brown hair, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake up Jake. Carrie pulled back from the hug, a frown on her face.

"I know you're hurting!" Carrie said determinedly, putting her hand on his chest. "I know because you always look so sad when you look at Sam. He knows you're hurting too."

Lucifer swallowed a lump in his throat, shaking his head. "I'm just having a hard time right now. It'll all be better soon." Lucifer replied, smiling softly at her in reassurance. It was an empty smile, but the girl couldn't tell the difference just yet.

"Okay." Carrie said solemnly, her large eyes wide with her innocence. "I'm going to give you my ice cream from now on, so that you'll always be happy." Lucifer felt his heart tear, and he knew he had to get out of there before he broke again.

"Thank you, sweetie." He whispered, laying her in the bed and pulling the covers up. She smiled at him and he managed a smile back before leaving room, bursting out into tears.

He got to his bedroom, shutting the door behind him and covering his face with his hands, sob after sob wracking through his body. He honestly felt like dying, to just go to sleep in never wake up, and that terrified him.

So he called Sam, his cell phone shaking furiously in his hand as it rang. It picked up on the second ring and he heard Sam's voice on the other end, sending a pang through his heart.

"S-Sam." Lucifer whimpered, his voice quivering too much to any real talking. He heard Sam let out a soft gasp when he heard Lucifer's voice. In the background, he heard the Winchester excuse himself before there was click of a door shutting a moment later.

"I'm alone now. What's going on? Is something happening?" Sam asked, his voice concerned. Lucifer swallowed thickly, trying to keep the sobs that were escaping his throat at bay.

"I....I w-want..." Lucifer had to stop, his voice shaking as more tears flooded down his face. He didn't know if he could voice what he wanted to do to himself. It tore at his mind, and he found himself borderline screaming, muffling it with his hand so he wouldn't wake up the kids with his crying.

"Lucifer?!" Sam's panicked voice came from the line, followed by the slam of a door being flung open.

"I want to kill myself!" Lucifer cried out quickly before his quivering and tears could stop him. He didn't want to feel this betrayal anymore. He hung up before he could hear Sam's voice and flung the phone across the room, ignoring the shattering sound as it hit the wall and slammed onto the ground.

Emptiness and depression filled Lucifer's heart, making it hard to breath through a clench throat. His face was soaked with tears, the trails making his way down his neck as he let out another scream laden sob.

It got bad enough that he grabbed the pillow from the bed and buried his face into it, keeping it quiet enough that the kids couldn't hear him from downstairs. His hand found the drawer by the bed, and he pulled out the gun that was stored there. He looked it over, more tears falling from his face as his vision blurred, looking over it.

In hindsight, maybe it was better for him to leave, one way or the other. Sam could finally have the relationship he wanted with Gabriel and the twins. Lucifer was always getting in the way, and this would be the perfect end for it.

He moved the gun to his temple, his tears flooding the pillow in his lap. He was going to miss the twins and his Sam. He offered a silent prayer, hoping that Sam could forgive him, promising that he'll always wait for him. It was an empty promise, since Lucifer knew that once this happened, he would never see Sam again, afterlife or no afterlife. He didn't belong in heaven unlike his brothers and the Winchesters.

The door flung open, and Lucifer opened his eyes, seeing the blurry figure of Sam standing there. Lucifer let out a whimper and screwed his eyes shut. He couldn't look at Sam when he did this.

"I'm so sorry." Lucifer whispered before he pulled the trigger.